.. dost ko salaam karo. Aiyyo rama rama, yeh dekho, aaya Obama!
And are we excited or what? We’re acting like he’s that girl we asked out at prom and she has finally agreed to come to our house so that we can bring it ‘awn. It’s as if this visit is going to instantly turn us into a superpower, and solve all our other problems. The news channels haven’t had anything else to talk about for days now. Since today morning, they’ve been talking about where he’s gonna go, how many security cars are going to accompany him, and what he’s gonna wear. No talking about the actual agenda of the trip. Well, that’s not relevant, is it? So yeah, now I know that he’s gonna arrive in the Air Force-1, and a replica of the same plane is going to accompany him for security reasons. And then they wonder who’s giving the terrorists all the information. Sure, they’d be knowing all of this in advance anyway, but still, the news channels shouldn’t be allowed to talk about this kind of stuff. I don’t need to know how many planes he’s gonna bring with him, or how many cars his convoy is going to have. It’s all useless mumbo-jumbo, you know? Of course you don’t, ‘cuz if you did, you’d be busy telling people that this trip is not going to accomplish anything. Nothing substantial enough, anyway. But that wouldn’t make for juicy news, would it? And where then would all the Dollar Club Underwear and Baniyan adverts come from? What would dear old Munni do without all the Chaini-Chaini adverts? And what the hell about the poor guy who’s hugging the polar bear in that [extremely disturbing] Halls or whatever advert? They’ll all be unemployed! It’ll be a disaster. So you see, Mr. Obama is actually helping sustain half the entertainment industry. And you thought the visit was gonna be inconsequential! Ha! In yo face, bitches!
Ever since Obama became the US-President, I’ve found all the hype surrounding him extremely ridiculous. All the hype in the US can still be understood, but I wonder why we’ve all been so excited about him. Throughout his election campaign, he’s been blaming India for the rise of jobless claims in the US. Ever since he’s become the President, he’s been supporting Pakistan with arms and ammunition, and at the same time saying that he’s gonna do everything to curb terrorism. Hell, he even clearly stated that there’s no chance the US is gonna let India get a permanent seat in the UN Security Council! But nope, we still feel he’s gonna do something good for us. Like he’s that NRI relative of ours for whom we wait with bated breath because we know he’s gonna get us goodies like gadgets, imported chocolates, perfumes, yadda yadda yadda. Well people, this guy ain’t bringing you anything other than traffic jams and news reporters going on an overdrive about whether his food will have a plain Dosa, or a Masala Dosa, or any Dosa at all. Well, all I can say is, good luck with hosting the dude, Mumbai. And meanwhile, Punjab here will sulk about why he didn’t want to visit the Golden Temple. So mean of him! Hmph. The only reason I would’ve wanted him to visit my city would’ve been that it would lead to the city getting a nice makeover. A little bit of cleanliness around never hurts, does it? Even if it’s gonna last just as long as the celebrity stays. But chalo, I guess it was not to be.