I’m bored, as you might have figured out from the title of this post. But don’t worry, this is not a post about Physics. I’m the last person on earth who you would find doing a post about physics. Vasudha P, however, has made a couple of interesting physics/math related posts lately. It’s Vasudha P mind you, not Vasudha W. Vasudha W once told me that her name was fairly uncommon. In the last couple of months, I’ve found 3 Vasudha’s including her. But I still haven’t come across any other people with my name after the one who became the Voice of India. Hence, my name is uncommoner(!). Therefore, I win. End of discussion.

I’ve seen 3 movies since yesterday. One being Jannat, which I thought was okay. And that is great considering it has the only guy who resembles an ape more than Rafael Nadal does. Yes, we’re talking about Emraan Kisshme..err I mean Hashmi. The second movie was Hindustani. It’s one of my favorite Kamala Hassan movies and though it tends to get stupid to the core at places, the acting is good. The third movie that I saw was Bhoothnath. Even that wasn’t bad. I liked the kid - Banku. But seriously, who names their kid Banku? Having said that, Banku is still better than Shiney Ahuja, Bright Kumar or Jung Fateh. It sucks that I don’t have a television in my room. Another thing that sucks is that my mother is just too smart. I wanted to watch television and she wanted to chuck me out. Here’s what happened:-

Mom: Chal, movie khatam. Ab jaa, light aur darwaaza band karne de. Subah kaam pe jaana hai.
Me: Nahi, mereko TV dekhna hai yaar.
Mom: Ae, jaa na. Subah se do picture dekh chuka hai. Pak gayi teri shakal dekh dekh ke. Ab ja.
Me: Huhuhahaha, main Bhoothnath hoon! Huhahahaha.
Mom: Ho gaya? Ab ja.
Me: Yaar aap so jao, light aur darwaaza band kar lo. Main bhoothnath hun, keyhole se nikal jaunga TV dekh ke.
Mom: Ek kaam kar. Tu bahar ja, main darwaaza band karti hun. Fir keyhole se andar aa jaana.
Me: Shaane kahin ke. Bleh. Good night.
Mom: Heh, goodnight.

So, now that that’s done with, aren’t you wondering why is this post titled so? Nope, don’t even think about going Robert Langdon on this one. It’s no code or mystery. Me, the meme king is gonna do two meme’s in this post. One being the Expansionist meme and the other being the 5 things meme. Hence, I joined them as Coeffecient of Linear EXPANSION = 5. Gedit? I’m clever na? I know. And if you really wanna know why I’m so good, you totally have to read this post by Nidhi. No seriously, do it. Opening another tab isn’t gonna make you lose any money. And now that we are opening tabs here, you might wanna wish Ashish a happy birthday, Reema a belated happy birthday and Krits a belated belated happy birthday.

And now, the meme’s! Come on, show me some enthusiasm, gimme the benefit of doubt at least. Ah, who am I kidding? I’m not in form and most of my previous posts have been depressing. But considering that most people are bored to death, I’m hoping you’ll read them. The next post will not be a meme. Honest! Pakka promise. Jhooth bole kauwa kaate, gadar waala kauwa. Ud jaa kaale kaanwa tere muh wich khand paawan? Remember him? Yep, woh waala kauwa.

Meme#1: The Expansionist Meme. Quite a few people tagged me to do this one and I’m not mentioning the names lest I forget someone. Here goes:-

Please thoughtfully consider the following, and choose one item for each of the categories below. (Be sure to describe your reasons for choosing)

One religious work from a non-familiar tradition you’ll read:
I’d like to read about Buddhism because it interests me. I want to read why Ashoka got into it. And the statues and temples you find in hill stations are fascinating. I would like to know more about them.

One music video–that you like–from your “least likely to listen to’ genre:
Twisted Transistor by Korn. I absolutely hate Korn and his songs. But this video wasn’t bad. But it still didn’t deserve to win over the video of Wake Me Up When September Ends. No, never.

A book from a genre you almost never read, that you have read, or you will read (promise!):
Uhh, I promise I’ll read my course books when college starts!

Somewhere you’d never thought to go on holiday/vacation, and why it might be fun to go there?
McLeodganj. I thought that would be a sleepy, boring place but it actually turned out to be fun. I will never forget the Tibetan food that I had there. It was horrible. I wonder why people believe in eating boiled vegetables in water. :/

A specific food you’ve never tried, but will because of this meme, honest!:
Err..come on. This is evil. I bet my parents made this meme so they could force me into eating onions, tomatoes, bhindi, karela and all that sada gala stuff. I will try bhindi once. And if I don’t like it, I’ll curse this meme. :/

A style of dance you probably won’t try (we won’t make you promise on this one)::
Erm, any of the traditional dances. I’m sure I’ll suck at them.

A career job you don’t feel you’re suited for, and why:
Accountant/Bank Job because I’ll ruin the bank single handedly with my mathematical skills. 2+2=222. Chak De!

An item that’s “thinking out of the box’ for this meme that hadn’t been included:
Erm, you could’ve asked which person you thought you’d never like but ended up liking and why.

If’s there’s one thing in life you wanted to do, and will do because of this meme, what will it be?
I have no clue. I mean, there’s nothing in life that I wanna do. Lame, I know, but that’s me.

Meme#2: Ze 5 Zings About Me Tag. As far as I remember, Bharat, Nik and NightWriter tagged me to do this.

5 things found in my bag
Er, I don’t carry my bag anywhere except school, so there’s nothing very interesting in it.

• Course Books
• Pens
• Pencils
• Pencil rubbish. I try to keep my country clean. But I forget to keep the bag clean.
• Registers

5 favourite things in my room

• The lady in Red - My Dell Inspiron 1525
• The old lady - My Toshiba Satellite
• The little lady - My iPod Nano
• The lady with the chords - My guitar, A Givson 215 Standard.
• The picturesque lady - My camera, a Kodak Easyshare.

5 things I have always wanted to do

• Get the hair cut. They’re not my cup of tea.
• Use WiFi once in my life. I seriously wanna see what’s the big deal about it
• Watch a GREENDAY concert live.
• Watch a Coldplay concert live.
• Own a Mac

5 things I am currently into

• Guitar
• Finding ways to make the computer faster.
• The Man by Irving Wallace. Refuses to end. :/
• Viva La Vida!
• Blogging and Commenting. As always

5 people I choose to further torment

• Aamir Khan
• Amitabh Bachchan
• Lalu Prasad Yadav
• Chetan Bhagat
• Meiyang Chang. Remember him, anyone?

So what if they’re celebs? They’re bloggers as well. And bloggers have to do tags, don’t they? Heh, and they thought blogging was a piece of cake. Ab bhugto.

No no, I haven’t turned into a 1 year old who is just learning to speak. I know you wouldn’t mind that because that would give you some relief from my lame blabbering. 1 year olds, can’t type, you see. But I’m positive that in another couple of years, we will have one year olds blogging their gaga gugu baba bubu. But there’s still two years for that right? So I might as well bask in my glory because I would be labelled a boring illiterate buddha in another 2 years if things go on at the pace they are going at right now. Bleh is a funny word. I like it. Nidhi likes it. Kriti likes it. But Sahil doesn’t. Too bad, no? Aiight aiight, before you start your Reflections and go What Ho! and then shoot me down with The Spinning Arrow, I’ll start with my post.

The Meme King (yep, that’s me. Pompous entries are teh shit, I tell ya) is back. And back with a bang (See, I told you it’s fun). If you haven’t noticed, I’m trying to create an air of excitement here because what follows may be long and super boring. I have three pending meme’s and guess what?

Nope, you guessed wrong. I’m not doing all three of them together. I will do just one. Bleh. Heh.

Meme: The Bloggerdygook Meme

Sulz is not happy with me and I don’t blame her. It was because I didn’t do her Bloggerdygook Meme. But since I love her and can’t bear her not being happy with me, I will do it. But don’t blame me if it turns out to be lame. I warned you already! Let’s go.

1. What does gobbledygook mean to you?
Gobbledygook is Bloggerdygook. It didn’t have any meaning for me before Bloggerdygook and now they’re both synonymous.

2. What do you like about yourself?
The fact that I don’t judge people. I wasn’t like this always of course. It’s a habit that I cultivated when I was 14 or 15 because that’s when I realized how wrong it was. I realized it only when people started judging me. Earlier, I had many friends precisely because I was intelligent and used to win in various extra-curricular activities. When that stopped happening, the friends decreased. The warmth decreased and people started judging me on the basis of various things. That is when I realized that unconsciously, I was doing that too. So I stopped doing that and talked to everyone and tried to give everybody a chance. There’s a lot more to people than just looks and academics.

3. What activity do you enjoy doing, that you never thought you would until you tried it?
I actually enjoyed playing Soccer. I thought I wouldn’t because I was lazy. I never really enjoyed Cricket. But football was fun.

4. What have you learnt about yourself from your previous (and current) romantic relationships?
Uhmm, erm, I don’t think I’m really eligible to answer this question but what I did learn from the couple of online relationships that I had was that you shouldn’t be too possessive. You need to give the other person his/her space and not go paranoid when he/she talks to some other person of the opposite sex.

5. What physical traits do you find attractive in the opposite sex?
Eyes! Big, expressive eyes. I believe eyes can tell you how genuine a person is. Plus staring into each other’s eyes is terribly romantic, isn’t it?

6. Do you believe in any superstitions, or have some particular ritual?
No, no superstitions. But I do believe that good and bad days come alternatively. I used to have this theory at school. Whenever something bad happened, it was a bad day and automatically the next day would be good and everything would be fine. It actually worked a lot of times.

7. What’s the nicest thing you’ve ever done for somebody?
I once made a card for somebody. An online birthday card it was. Not an e-card, I made it myself on photoshop by joining things here and there.

8. If you could something with your blog (cost, time and other factors irrelevant), what would you do?
Once I get more computer literate, I would want to write about softwares and all. And then somehow make this blog into two parts. One personal and one professional.

9. Books, chocolates, sex. Make a sentence with it.
He doesn’t like books, she doesn’t like chocolates, but both of them love sex. Lame, I know. :-/

10. If you were dead now, what would people most remember about you?
They could remember a lot of things. They could remember my superb sense of humor, my dashing personality, my killing looks or my uber-cool blog. No wait, I know what they’ll remember me for! My Modesty!

Yesterday, I went to Cafe Coffee Day with my friends. This is different by the way. I had gone to Barista day before. So you can consider it the coffee week. At Cafe Coffee Day, I had the worst ever slush in my life. The colour of that thing clearly reminded me of Rin Supreme Powder. It looked exactly like Rin Supreme had been mixed with water and then frozen to ice. In short, it was effin’ disgusting. That’s when my mother called me and told me that someone had come to meet me. Some girl perhaps. Mother asked me to come home soon because this girl seemed really desperate to meet me. I was surprised. I wasn’t expecting any ladies, at least not today. But someone had come.

I kept roaming about with friends for some more time and then finally set about for home. As soon as I reached home, I wanted to see who this lady was. My friends too were excited about it since they’ve not really seen me with a girl earlier. I went into my room and there she was, sitting on my bed comfortably. She was wearing a brown overcoat and was asking me to come remove it. I moved forward slowly, not really knowing what to expect. Slowly and carefully, with my friends behind me, I removed her overcoat. She was wearing a sexy red skirt. And she was easily the sexiest woman I’ve ever seen in my life. I touched her and she gave me the vibes. She was eclectic. I poked her, and she opened her bright blue eyes and blinked at me. Then she gave a big wide smile and that’s when I lost track of things. I was in love..in love with the girl in red.

I was in love with my new Dell Inspiron 1525.

So yep, my Inspiron arrived without notice today. It wasn’t supposed to reach before the 12th of June but it made it’s way to my house today, when I was out with my friends and least expecting it. Sexy would be insuffecient to describe this machine. There’s just something oomph about her. Not only does she look pretty, she’s also pretty good when it comes to performance. She’s got an Intel Centrino Core 2 Duo T7250 2.0 Ghz processor, 3GB of RAM and 250 GB’s of hard drive. I’m not happy with what Dell did with my hard drive actually. 60GB is partitioned for Windows. 10GB for Dell PC Restore and 20 GB for BIOS which is weird. It’s the first time I’ve seen that happening. This means that I’m left with only 160GB of storable space for my data. But still, even that is more than enough. It’s got Windows Vista preinstalled and I’m trying to like it. I love the Creative Noise Isolation earbuds that I got with this machine. They’re even better than the ones I got with my iPod. The screen is fairly bright and fairly crispy with a 1440×900 resolution. Ah, enough about specs. They’re never ending. How about a photosession with my love?

Also at this point, I’ve got to say a couple of words about my dear old lady Toshiba Satellite. It’s given me a fair amount of trouble alright but it still has the best keyboard I’ve ever seen on a laptop. The one on this Inspiron isn’t even half as comfortable. That machine has served our family for a good 10 years. It’s been with me for 2 years and even though it had been terribly manhandled, it still outplayed almost all similarly configured machines. But well, it’s just too old to run the softwares if today. Having said that, I’m not gonna dispose it off or sell it. It will stay at the house and would serve as an internet machine for the parents. It’s still got that kind of power in it.

And now I’m gonna hit the ‘Publish’ button to make this the first post from the new computer. It can’t be any better. Well, it can actually, if Federer somehow manages to beat Rafael Nadal at the French Open final today.

Yesterday, me and two of my friends had gone out together after a long time. Let’s call them ‘A’ and ‘D’. Usually we go in groups of two i.e. either me and D or else D and A. Me and A don’t go together because I know A through D. But we’re good friends. So after roaming about in A’s car for a while, we landed up at Barista. It’s a nice, calm place. I like coffee shops because they’re fairly cozy and quiet. But this particular Barista was anything but quiet. It’s in the busiest market of the town and everybody inside was shouting at the top of their lungs to get themselves heard over Akon singing ‘I wanna Fuck You’. I wonder why all of India’s cafe’s and restaurants have this rap/blues fetish. I think they played Akon’s entire album while we were there yesterday.

When we entered the cafe, we saw a nice guitar lying close to the counter. Most Barista’s have it. It’s basically so that anyone can pick it up and play it on their table. Or maybe even give a performance if they want to and have the balls to. D gets very excited when he sees a guitar. I do too, I love the guitar. So he said that he’s gonna bring it here and play it. He does know how to play the guitar, mind you. So off he goes to get the guitar and this is what me and A say while he’s away -

Me: Saala ladkiyon ko impress karne ke liye guitar la raha hai.
A: Paagal hai kya? Ladkon ke liye la raha hai!
Me: Hahah.

Meanwhile, D came back. He hadn’t really seen the guitar while bringing it. Now he sat down, in position, ready to play with the chicks at the next table looking at us. That’s when he went -

D: Abey *censored*, yeh kya hai?!

That’s when me and A looked up to see what it was. That’s when I saw the most amazing guitar ever. It was fairly good looking, black with a matte finish. But that’s where the goodness ended. It was made by some company called Signatore. I haven’t ever heard of it and couldn’t find it online. But the best part about this guitar was it’s strings. A normal spanish guitar has 6 strings. This was a normal spanish guitar too except that it had just 4 strings. String number 2 and 3 had mysteriously vanished to Lala-land perhaps. And it didn’t end there. Normally in a guitar, the six strings are parallel to each other. Basically, there are six hooks at the bottom and six tuners at the top of the fretboard. The strings are put in such a way that it starts from the 1st hook at the bottom and goes to the 1st tuner at the top. In this guitar however, they were arbitrarily joined. First hook joined to 3rd tuner and so on. It looked as if somebody had played ‘Match the following’ with the guitar. I’m sure we kept laughing for at least 5 minutes after looking at this masterpiece. Then, between me and D, we said -

Me: Chal koi nahi, chaar strings to hain. Tu bass guitar samajh ke baja le.
D: Yaar agar chaar seedhi lagi hoti to kuch karta. Yeh to hadh hai.
Me: Gandi waali L padi teri. Better luck next time.
D: Seriously.

After this, D went back to keep the guitar at it’s place. When he returned, we were deciding on what to order. Now, D and A are always eating and they know many things that I don’t. Basically they insist of correcting my pronunciations of the coffee’s every time I order something exotic. Same happened this time -

Me: Chal, I’ll take this caramel mocha jo bhi hai
D: Abey, it’s pronounced as Moca, not mocha.
Me: Main le raha hun. Meri marzi. Main toh mochi bolunga, kya karega?
D: Kuch logon se baat karne ka fayda hi nahi.
Me: Mat kar fir. Jaa jaakar guitar baja.
D: Hmph.
A: Jaa yaar Ish, tune ladki ko naraaz kar diya.
Me: Agar yeh ladki hai toh I’m turning gay. :/
A: Hahah.

We kept on talking after that but there was nothing worth mentioning. But but but, the crowd of my city, especially the guys, never cease to surprise you. In comes this dude, wearing low-waist jeans, sunglasses in bright daylight and picks up the guitar like he’s a real professional. He goes to his sit, giving the chicks a ‘Look at me, I rock’ look. And after that, he goes and sits with his friends, and plays that very guitar for over 15 minutes. It’s obvious that the only thing he knows about a guitar is how it’s held. But still, he was playing it like he was Carlos Santana or something. It was obviously impossible to hear what he was playing over Akon crying. That was his trick. He was pretending to play. I don’t know if the chicks realized that or not but we certainly did. And what did we do? We laughed our asses off -

Me: Ja yaar D, tu bolta hai tereki guitar aati hai. Usko dekh.
D: Seriously yaar, yeh toh bhagwaan hai.
A: Bhagwaan nahi, Mike Dirnt ka baap hai.
Me: Iska matlab iska baap Mike Dirnt ka grandfather?
D: Obviously.
Me: Fir toh wo bina strings ke bhi guitar baja leta hoga lol!
D: Hahah pakka. 100%
A: Air guitar bajaata hoga. Matlab hawa mein guitar.
Me: Hahah. Aur Billie Joe kehta hai ki woh air guitar bajaata hai.
A: Billie toh waise hi aatma hai.
Me: Sahi mein. St. Jimmy ki aatma.

We left Barista after that. We had had enough fun for a day. But I left the place with one question on my mind - why is the guitar the ultimate symbol of coolness? Why aren’t you considered equally cool if you play the drums or the piano? I think the appeal of a guitar lies in the fact that it’s almost impossible to make it sound bad. Even if you’re strumming randomly, it manages to sound reasonably okay. But if you do the same with the piano, you’ll surely be labeled a besura.

P.S. - If you can’t understand the Hindi, I’ll try and translate it for you in the comments. Mention it though.

The Indian Pawar/Paisa/Premier League came to an end on Sunday with the Rajasthan Royals beating the Chennai Super Kings on the last ball and lifting the most ugly looking trophy I’ve seen till date. One’s got to give credit to Mr. Hollywood Shane Warne and his fellow Shane, Shane Watson. Credit also goes to the guy with the weirdest bowling action ever, Mr. Sohail Tanvir. For his own sake, I sincerely hope he does something about his action or else I’m pretty sure his arms are gonna snap one day. Through this medium, I would also like to say, “Screw you, Salman Khan. Stop promoting Dus Ka Dum for God’s sake”. The DY Patil Stadium made me very happy, by the way. It looks world class. I just hope the continue maintaining it.

With the end of the inaugural IPL, the inaugural PFHOI Contest has also come to an end. And we have a winner, who, much like the Rajasthan Royals, has dominated through out. He’s the anna, the ganna, the chashme bahut-door, the geet ka deewana, the comedy ka parwaana - AMIT! During the course of the contest, many tried to dethrone him but he refused to budge. He just sat there, smirked and said, Yeh Fevicol ka jod hai, tootega nahi!

So, my hearty congratulations to Amit, and to everyone who’s participated in the contest and made it a success inspite of me losing interest in it half way. I also apologize for not updating during the semi-finals and the finals but I can blame that on my stupid USB-LAN Card. It must be sneezing big time now, considering I’ve mentioned in all the three latest posts. And now, ladies and gentlemen, I present to you, the PFHOI trophy. But actually, we don’t have any trophy because the IPL trophy has just put me off them. Just how flamboyant can we really get? So, for Amit, here’s his favorite Geet trophy!

And now, we would like Amit to accept the trophy and give a speech. Ladies and Gentlemen, please clap for the man!

I’ve not been blogging very regularly. I’ve not even been commenting as enthusiastically as I used to. Blame it on a blown up LAN Card, a new USB LAN Card which doesn’t like me and my laziness. But things will change soon, hopefully. I always believe that everything will be fine in the end. A great example of this is my expectation that the electricity will be back soon enough when there’s a power cut. I have hope in the hopeless Punjab State Electricity Board. But then again, it’s not all their fault. We do consume shit loads of electricity during the summers in here. We had an 8 hour power cut today from 8:00 AM to 6:00 PM. But I still believe that one day, we’ll have 24-hour uninterrupted power supply. And if that doesn’t happen, then, picture abhi baaki hai mere dost. Trust me, I could give SRK a run for his money, if he has any left after the IPL disaster, that is.

IPL reminds me of Preity Zinta in her red team jersey and blue jeans looking all hot and stuff. Her 11 kings, led by our own ghode ke daant waala Kim Sharma ka ex-boyfriend and Deepika Padukone ka deewana - Yuvraj Singh lost to the super kings of Chennai led by our favorite hair gel ka advertiser who apparently also likes Deepika Padukone - Mahendra Singh Dhoni. Guess who came out winning? Our Toweliya Ranbir Kapoor obviously! But was bound to happen wasn’t it? The names of the teams say it all. It was obvious that the super kings would beat the kings. And when Preity’s 11 kings bumbled and tumbled to a 9 wicket defeat, she was sad. And this sadness was best caught by the Hindustan Times here -

I wonder how they managed to make her look so ugly. Maybe they went 60 years into the future and clicked that picture when Preity’s team lost to the Chennai Super Kings in the semi-finals of the Indian Pawar League for the 60th time.

Also since we’re talking about the Hindustan Times, I recently discovered from Xylene’s blog that the Hindustan Times had published one of Nita’s pictures which she had published on her blog without her permission and without any credit. I think that’s terrifically unfair. What do you think?

And now for the penguins. Nope, this isn’t about my two Happy left Feet. This is about a Flash based game that I discovered at Sulz’s blog some days back and I’ve got to say that it’s highly addictive. Me and Bharat had a competition on it and as of now, I have the record for the farthest the penguin went and he has the record for the least it went, not considering 0 that is. And I know nobody would believe me so I have a picture to prove it.

Alright then, now excuse this Ish cause he’s got to go and read the 33 unread posts lying in his feed reader. Bhow!

Pappu Pass ho gaya, and now, Pappu vaapis bhi aa gaya. So, the board exam results for my region came out on the 21st of May. I had already prepared my folks for the worst. But alas, the worst didn’t happen. I managed to pass with 74.2% marks. That was totally unexpected. My internet wasn’t working when the result came out so I asked a friend to check it. And when he told me my marks, I flatly refused to believe him. But then I reconfirmed from another friend and meanwhile my father also reached the office and checked out the marks himself. It was indeed true then. Everybody was happy. Even though the marks aren’t great, but everyone was elated because they had never ever expected it in their wildest dreams. The happiness though was short lived because the great Indian lookout for a suitable college had begun. In the past few weeks, I’ve been changing my mind every day. On one day, I’m doing a B.Tech. The next day I’m doing Mass Communication and the next day I’m BCA. Right now, it’s BCA from a college in my own city. That should make me happy shouldn’t it? Nope, it doesn’t because I don’t wish to stay in the city. I wish to go to Delhi. But that will probably have to wait for another year because Delhi University doesn’t have BCA and the exams for Guru Gobind Singh Indraprastha University are already done. So that precisely is the reason why I haven’t made a post for 15 days or so. I don’t have anything to write about.

My computer’s LAN card short circuited for some reason. Now I have an external USB LAN card. My laptop is now virtually a personal computer. Everything is external and USB. Name the thing and it’s external. The DVD-Drive, the mouse, the Bluetooth dongle, the headphones and all that. Basically this machine is almost dead. I was laughing with my friend that if this goes on for another year or so, then my computer will only be a USB-hub with 10,000 million USB ports for all the external shit that I’ll have. I genuinely need a new computer. I’ve never had a computer with a decent configuration, even this one was second-hand. Considering my interest in computers, an 847 Mhz Pentium III machine with 256 MB of RAM doesn’t make the cut. And add to that a useless CD-Drive, one useless USB Port, just 40 Gigs of storage space and the lamest possible speakers. No sir, I don’t deserve that. So I told my folks that I’ll need a new computer because BCA is Bachelor’s in Computers right? But nothing good in life comes without conditions. So, my parents say that if I get a superb rank in the first college exams, I’ll get a new computer. I’m hoping I do that and buy a new laptop. My current love is the Dellicious Dell Inspiron 1525 which is pretty similar to Lemonade’s sexy red Dell Inspiron 1520. It’ll cost me something around 35k. That’s not a small price.

Also, Guruji Poonam is the new Meme Queen. She managed to dethrone me with 3 successive Meme’s. But I’m not somebody who takes defeat kindly. I’m stealing a tag from her just to prove that Hello, I’m still here. The game isn’t over!

i am: not the Voice of India. :/
i think:sometimes. When I do, I think too much.
i know: that I’m not a failure.
i want: a Dell Inspiron 1525.
i have: a 10 year old almost dead Toshiba Satellite.
i wish: I could buy a Macbook Pro someday.
i hate: exams/tests.
i miss: the fun I had in 11th and 12th. Ah, the days.
i fear: a computer crash.
i feel: lazy.
i hear: the whirring of the ceiling fan. And the laptop fan.
i smell: everything before eating it.
i crave: for KFC’s Chicken Snackers.
i search: colleges. That’s all I’ve been doing for the last 2 days.
i wonder: if I’ll ever be satisfied with life.
i regret: having accepted to take this laptop instead of buying a new PC.
i love:Preity Zinta in the IPL matches.
i ache: for all the people who are doing what they don’t want to do.
i care:for my family and friends.
i always: keep cribbing about something or the other.
i am not: religious. People refuse to accept that, though.
i believe: in myself for 2 seconds at a stretch. That’s the maximum limit of my self belief.
i dance: when nobody’s watching. And when I’m drunk. Which I never am.
i sing: when nobody’s listening. If I do otherwise, people try to not listen to it.

Ugh. I’m bored already. Alright Poonam, you win. I accept you as the new Meme Queen. Also, after reading my own answers, my conclusion is that I’m horribly shallow. :/

That’s all for now. Meow, or rather, Bhow bhow till the next post!

P.S. - I need laptop suggestions. The budget is around 45k. It should be a decent machine, and if it’s aesthetically pleasing too, all the better. For an idea of the kind of configurations I need, check out the Dell Inspiron 1525 (link above).

The previous post was a pretty depressing one. But that’s okay, that happens at times and you can’t blame me for it. After all, I’m just a regular titsy-bitsy human being in the end. Just as an aside, Firefox’s spell checker gives really amazing suggestions. It says that I should’ve written ‘tits’ in place of titsy and ‘bitchy’ in place of bitsy. Yep, right. So, I’m just a regular tits-bitchy human being in the end..whatever that’s supposed to mean. Things are fine at home now, I wished my mommy a Happy Momma’s Day, typical Rosesh style and we’re back on talking terms. But as far as I think, it’s just the silence (Perverted male brains: Don’t go around deriving Silence = Shanti = Deepika Padukone alright? I’m talking serious stuff here) before Cyclone CBSE Board Exam Results scheduled to come out any time after the 20th of May. So if I mysteriously vanish from the face of the earth during those days, you know what happened. Oh, and thanks to all the wonderful people who posted all those wonderful comments on the previous post. Gotta love you all.

Now about the ants. Yep, them small black food grabbing six legged monsters. I finally got rid of them. Domex didn’t kill them. Haldi didn’t do the job either. Even DDT failed after the initial success. Finally, I had to look up to Bhagwaan Laxman to do the job. And has he done a good job or what? This incident has cemented my faith in mythology. It’s the best thing around really. Laxman Rekha kills ants like nothing else can. I can’t explain how sadistically I enjoyed seeing the ants die yesterday. I took the Laxman Rekha chalk thingy and drew a nice painting with it wherever the ants were emerging from. And some hours later, several bodies were visible. I observed one brutal murder from up close. The ant got attracted to the Laxman Rekha, ate it, got tortured and shriveled up as if someone had put the Cruciatus curse on it and finally succumbed to the pain. And I enjoyed the entire thing..and people think that Lord Voldy is evil. And that’s not all, mythology even helps you win shitloads of money in shows like Kaun Banega Crorepati and Kya Aap Paanchvi Pass se Tez Hain? Siddhartha Basu absolutely adores mythology. He’s the one behind the shows if you didn’t know. And hey, how can you forget the entertainment factor? I used to particularly enjoy Ramayan on Sundays when I was younger. So, boys and girls, moral of the story is that keep your mythology skills brushed up or else you’ll have to go around saying “My name is XYZ, I have a PQR degree but sadly, I’m not faster than a fifth grader”. That’s embarrassing for you.

Also in other news, I saw the PQR sponsored XYZ Annual Filmfare awards yesterday. Yep, the ones which had the SRK-Saif making fun of everybody around act. It was hilarious to say the least. These guys have guts alright. But there’s one person who has more guts than even these guys. He’s the one, the only - the topibaaz, the naakbaaz, the baba, the mahababa - Himes Baba! Yep, people also call him Himesh Reshammiya/HR sometimes. I wonder how this guy carries on even after all the hostility he faces. He performed at the previously mentioned awards. He was introduced..or let me say, humiliated by SRK and Saif first. And when he was singing, you should’ve seen the expression of the crowd. Shreya Ghoshal was like, “OMG, how am I gonna show my face around..how will I tell my friends that we have such lame guys in the industry too?”. Others were simply going, “LOL, couldn’t they find anyone else to perform? They could’ve brought one of those reality show kids instead of him.”. And some really simple plainfolk went, “WTF, nobody told us he was gonna perform. We would never have come!”. And still, despite all the shit he faces, Himes carries on, and carries on in style. He composes, he sings, he even acts. And some say he’s building a six pack now. Even though I’m not a fan of you Himes, but just for your guts, I’ve got to give it to you. Three cheers for Himes..Hip Hip Hurray!..oops, I mean ooOOooooOOOOoooOOOOooooOOOOOoooooOOOOOooooOOOOooooOOOOoOOOooooO! But wait wait, before I end this, WTF did you do to Hansika Motwani man? No really, WTF did you do?!

Also, for all the bored people, watch this show called Comedy Circus on Sony Entertainment Television every Saturday at 10:00 PM. It’s kinna funny. Watch it for Chitrashi Rawat a.k.a. Komal Chautala from Chak De! India if nothing else. She’s sort of hot. And she’s short too. Maybe I should hit on her. But wait, I’m already hitting on Ellen Page of Juno/X-Men 3 fame. I can’t even decide. It’s so darn tough being a guy, you know.

And and and, for those who watch MTV, don’t you just love the new MTV Tickr thingy? In one word, it’s fucking fabulous. Wait, that’s two words. Ah no, that’s one word and one cuss word. So it works right?

And and and and, ugh forget it. I don’t have anything to say and I don’t know how to end posts. Yep, go ahead, bite me. :/

P.S. - I blew up my entire sidebar during changing themes. So I’ll have to redo my blogroll from scratch. It’s obvious that I might not be able to remember everybody so when you’re leaving a comment, and if you were on my blogroll, please mention it. Thank You.

Update - I’m not in a mood to write a new post right now but these three videos that I found definitely need to see the light of day and so I’m putting them up. Watch them even if you have a stupid connection that’ll buffer for 10 minutes for a 1 minute video. They’re worth it. And make sure you’ve turned your speakers on. Much thanks to Xylene for the videos. Here goes-

Video 1 - The ‘how Himesh started his OooOOOoooOOOO video’

Video 2 - Himesh Reshammiya - Kha le kha le kha le KhajOOoooOOOOooOOr

Video 3 - This is a guy singing Himesh’s song at the Indian Idli (as Miss V calls it) auditions. And trust me, you’ll start worshiping Himesh after you see this.

Everyone believes in themselves. They always feel that there’s something about them and that they’re not ordinary. But then, one day, that bubble bursts and everything begins to crumble. That is when you start having serious doubts about yourself. That is when you sit on the bathroom floor and cry your heart out, as they show in the movies. That is when listening to the song Maa from Taare Zameen Par makes you wanna cry, not because you’ve never said some things to your mother, but because it seems that she never really understood you. That is when your mother comes to you and confesses that she’s ashamed of calling you her child. And that she thinks that you’ve destroyed whatever reputation she’s made amongst her colleagues in 20 years. She wishes she could really trade you for someone else. That is when you sit in your room and stare at your Allout mosquito killer and wonder why the light on it keeps vibrating in a weird way. That is when you wonder why your guitar, which your dad had taken in the morning, hasn’t come back. That is when you share your sadness with the smiling Ellen Page on your desktop hoping that somehow she would say something to comfort you. But she doesn’t. She just stays there and smiles away. That is when everybody tells you to study so that your mother doesn’t get sick because she’s way too worried for you. That is when your dad, who’s always believed in you, starts showing signs of disappointment and anger. That is when killing yourself doesn’t sound too illogical. That is when you wonder when you’ll read and comment on those 40+ unread posts lying in your feed reader. That is when you start believing that ‘Everyone is special in their own way’ is a line that was created by the special people to make the not so special people feel even worse. That is when you realize that a rank in a university exam not only determines your future salary, but also what your parents think of you. That is when you wonder why people keep saying that ‘Money is not everything’. Of course it is, because if it wasn’t, why would everyone stop talking to you and start cursing you if you don’t get a good rank? That is when you realize how very alone you really are. That is when you stop trying get rid of the ants on your table and let them crawl over you, hoping that they’ll bite you and everything will be over. And that is when you write sad and sentimental blog posts like these hoping that somehow things would get better, but also knowing deep in your heart, that they won’t.

Anyway, Priya tagged me and I quote her quoting someone else - Where Words Fail, Music Speaks. According to the tag, I have to -

“Think of THE song that most inspires you to write, whether it gives you an idea for a story, script or just puts you into a better frame of mind AND/OR peek into the lyrics and find a verse that sums up the theme of whatever project it is you’re working on.

If possible, post a video of the song to convey to readers the full context of the song and the mood it puts you into. Finally, send the assignment to five other writers to do as well.”

Well, there are many songs that make me happy but since I’m not really happy right now, I’ll only quote two. And yep Priya, you were right. This is gonna be full of Coldplay and Green Day.

• GREENDAY - Good Riddance (Time of Your Life) :- Green Day is basically punk rock. So when you listen to Green Day, you expect some nice beats and electric guitars and stuff like that. But Time of Your Life is a totally different song. It surprises me how that bloke called Billie Joe Armstrong just comes in with his acoustic guitar and sings the song all by himself. The lyrics are the best ever. It’s impossible for me to select one single paragraph or one single line. The song is brilliant as a whole. And the line, “It’s something unpredictable but in the end it’s right, I hope you had the time of your life” is one of my most used lines. I keep saying this to everybody. Too bad YouTube doesn’t have the actual video of this song. Actually, it does have the original video so it was my mistake. Sorry YouTube. Thank you Naomi.

• Coldplay - Fix You :- Fix You is an amazing song for a number of reasons. One of them is the lyrics. Another one is that it’s a four part harmony. All in all, it always manages to bring a smile upon my face. And the funny thing it isn’t exactly a happy song. It’s a sad but hopeful song. I like it because it makes me feel that yeah, the lights will guide me home. And someone will come to fix me. And then it’ll all be fine. You know what I mean?

And now, I have to tag five people. Lemme see. I tag the people who will post the 3rd, 8th, 11th, 13th and 17th comment. If you don’t wanna do it, it’s fine because it’s no compulsion. If someone else also wants to do it, go ahead, be my guest.

Don’t you just hate them wall/table climbing food seeking ants? I do. They’ve completely taken over my computer table and I’ve been throwing them onto the floor ever since morning. I’m pretty sure they’re gonna take their revenge on me in the night. After all, I can’t really stop them from climbing my bed, can I? So there’s a bright chance that by the morning I’ll be sporting hundred something ant bites on my body. And that doesn’t sound exciting. Nope.

Anyway, the AIEEE exam was okay-ish. Most academies have solved the paper and have put the answer keys on their websites but I’m not gonna check them simply because I like surprises. I like living in fear. Okay, who am I kidding? I know all my answers would be wrong if I go around checking the keys so I don’t wanna do it just to let the pseudo-happy mood persist. Meanwhile, I’m wondering why there wasn’t even one good looking chick in the entire AIEEE giving lot. It’s Chandigarh for one, it’s supposed to be famous for hot chicks. I didn’t even see one. My room was particularly infested with boys - right from the very nerdy to the totally uninterested. So I had gone there with the following song in my mind - “Duniya haseeno ka mela, haseeno mein yeh dil akela” and ended up with the following version - “Duniya ladkon se bhara jhamela, jhamele mein yeh dil akela sadela pakela thakela jalela and all that.” One of the guys finished the paper in half an hour. That was even faster than me! I thought I’d finish mine in an hour but I did end up taking all the three hours. I was pleasantly surprised at that feat.

Also, I watched Tashan. Nidhi liked it. Amit didn’t. I haven’t decided yet. Saif was good. I really liked that step of his in the song “Dil Haara Re” Kareena was good only in the Bikini scene. In all the other scenes, she was looking like a shriveled up mango. And she’s far too classy to wear the kinda dresses she’s worn in the movie. I really liked one music note in the song “Challiya“. Rest of it I thought was crap. Akshay Kumar was okay. He’s funny and athletic agreed but he should seriously shave. Okay he’s playing a gangster but man still, please shave. His entire Ravana act was pretty cool though. And that scene where he proposes to Kareena. Anil Kapoor was bad. No other words, he was genuinely bad. Bad dialogues, pathetic english-hindi mash up. I didn’t understand half of his dialogues and his presence was very annoying. The story though wasn’t bad. At the end of the day, it doesn’t live up to all the hype it created. And I don’t think it deserves to have Rs. 120 spent on it. Watch it if you don’t have anything better to do and if you can get the tickets in anything less than Rs. 75.

Meanwhile, Shah Rukh Khan called me up the other day and asked me the same thing he’s been asking everybody on every Friday, Saturday and Sunday. Yep, you guessed it right. He asked me, “Kya Aap Paanchvi Pass se Tez Hain?“

My reply was, “Nope. Not exactly. But I’m the fastest at doing tags. Does that count eh? And hey, I’ve got proof cause it’s not me who’s saying it. It’s Neha who’s saying that and with that, she’s tagged me to do this thing.”

Shah Rukh’s reply was, “Yea right. I hardly care right now dude. My team is getting it’s ass kicked by the Mumbai Indians. I guess banning Harbhajan was what they needed. It’s 97 for 7 right now. Damn, I’m doomed. I guess it’s the Ashish curse “.

To that, my reply was, ” True that, your team is having bad days. Two losses in a row and then McCullum and Ponting gone. Maybe you should give up IPL and start reading my blog full time. And yep, you can also cheer for me if you want. But please, Karan Johar is not allowed. Gedit? “

Aiight, enough baseless rambling. I should just get on with the tag:-

1. Last movie you saw in a theater?
Tashan. Need I say more? I’ve already said a lot haven’t I?

2. What book are you reading?
Okay, this is gonna sound like a rip off but even I’m reading A Thousand Splendid Suns by Khaled Hosseini.

3. Favorite board game?
Snakes and Ladders. Yep, I’m not your bright Scrabble/Chess playing kid.

4. Favorite magazine?
Iono. I don’t read many. Stardust maybe. I love their Cat’s Crown thingy. ‘From one Cat to the other, Meeow till next month’.

5. Favorite smells?
Too many actually. You know I’m a Dog right? I smell way too many things and have way too small a brain to remember my favorites out of them all.

6. Favorite sounds?
Umm hmm, maybe the sound of Billie Joe Armstrong shouting his lungs out?

7. Worst feeling in the world?
Being a failure. Oh yea, that feels pretty bad.

8. What is the first thing you think of when you wake up?
Darn, another day. Bekaar. Bakwaas. Thu.

9. Favorite fast food place?
KFC for the win!

10. Future child’s name?
If it’s a boy, I’ma name him Jung Fateh. And if it’s a girl, I’ma name her Mariam. But of course, nobody’s gonna let me name them that.

11. Finish this statement. “If I had lot of money I’d….?
buy an IPL team. That’s the most in thing these days ain’t it?

12. Do you sleep with a stuffed animal?
Nay.

13. Storms - cool or scary?
Cool, very cool.

14. Favorite drink?
Coke. You don’t need to ask “favorite candy” now. You know it’s Mentos.

15. Finish this statement, “If I had the time I would….”?
learn to play the Guitar.

16. Do you eat the stems on broccoli?
Broccoli? What? Is that green? I don’t eat green vegetables.

17. If you could dye your hair any color, what would be your choice?
Green. Or maybe red.

18. Name all the different cities/towns you’ve lived in?
I’ve lived in just one city all my life. And since almost everybody knows it, I’m not gonna mention it here.

19. Favorite sports to watch?
Tennis, Soccer and Cricket. Though I genuinely thing Cricket is being over done nowadays. It’s become more of a reality show.

20. One nice thing about the person who sent this to you?
She thought I was gonna be the first one to do this. That’s nice.

21. What’s under your bed?
Right now, ants. Lots of them waiting for the lights to be turned off so that they can creep up and bite me. They don’t know I’ve drunk poison. Heh.

22. Would you like to be born as yourself again?
I don’t know really. But yea, I probably wouldn’t mind.

23. Morning person, or night owl?
These days I’m none. I’ve never been a morning person. Have been a night owl but now I’m none. I dunno why I’m always tired these days without even doing anything.

24. Over easy, or sunny side up?
I don’t like the sun. So over easy.

25. Favorite place to relax?
In my [imaginary] girlfriend’s [imaginary] arms. Heh, it doesn’t get cheesier than that.

26. Favorite pie?
My favorite pie..umm..oh yea it’s JJ Thompson’s Apple pie model of an atom!

27. Favorite ice cream flavor?
Vanilla. Yep, I’m simple like that.

28. Of all the people you tagged this to, who’s most likely to respond first?
I’m not tagging anyone because everyone’s been tagged already. So whoever does this the first, gets to have his/her name here.

***

P.S. - I wrote this post yesterday but wasn’t able to publish it. The Kolkata Knight Riders did end up losing and the Mumbai Indians won their first match. Maybe Bhajji was the kaala in the daal? What do you think?