Bhaiyya!

19 days later, I’m back. But then again, I hadn’t really gone anywhere. Gone is what this guy was. I was around. But I was bored. So bored that I’ve taken to not going to college just because I don’t wanna look at the same people again and again. But didn’t I do that in school too? Yes, I did. But in there, I had friends. Here? Not really. I do have friends but they’re the kind of people who hang around with me and have me in their group because its very convenient. Whenever we do reports and presentations, they know they’ll not have to do anything. They know I might get pissed and yell at them but at the end of the day, I will do the work because that’s how I am. And me acting all diligent and serious is funny considering I failed my way through my eleventh and twelfth. But that’s how it is, and I have no clue why. Anyway, it’s officially award season and turns out people still remember me – the guy who used to post every second day at one point and makes 2 posts a month now. But what the hell, I’m still good, am I not? Course I am. Krits gave me the “Brillante Weblog 2008″ badge. Nope, don’t look at me like that. I wasn’t the one who named it. So, I’m supposed to pass it on to 7 people. I know some of you might have gotten it already since you’re so “Brilliante”, but still, getting it once more doesn’t hurt? Does it? So I give it to Ashish (He’s baack!), Vasudha P (Vasudha Vasudha Pande..you know the drill”), Priya (She’s also baack!), Wanderlust (She’s probably enjoying a bus ride right now), Espera (She’s taking pictures. And asking questions), Amit (Ganne waala Anna), The Ruhi (She’s so busy with her iPhone and her Tumblr that she doesn’t even get the time to talk to me. Nope, I’m not lying. I messaged you on Gtalk on three separate occasions and you never responded. Hmph). Also, Amit gave me the “Honest Blogger” award. Um, I’m not that honest but anyways, Thenks. Now I don’t know how many people I’m supposed to pass this one on to so I’ll do as many as I can think of. First, India (He’s so gonna kill me for using this name. But dude, relax, aage ke paragraph mein tereko bahut footage milne waala hai. Uske baad decide kario maarna hai ke nahi, okay?) and second, Kriti (Heh, I gave you the award because you gave me the award. Ab tereko isko aage pass on karne ke liye ek aur post karni padegi. Nay nay nay nay nay). Uh, I’m like really kiddish. Okay, I’m tired already. Rest of you will get something next time. Award abhi baaki hain mere dost!

Did I tell you I have a brother? I’m pretty sure this guy and me are real brothers. Now we don’t really know whether his parents are our parents or my parents are our parents. We don’t know whether I’m a Tamilian or he’s a Punjabi. Maybe we were born in Maharashtra, one set of parents went south and one went north. We don’t know. But what we do know is that we are brothers because our brains are wired in the exact same way. We think about the same thing and the same point of time. You could say that’s nothing special because all us guys think of sex and chicks all the time. But no, it’s different here. The choice of words and expressions is horribly similar. So we’ve taken to calling each other “Bhaiyya!” whenever we start saying the same things. Hence, the title of the post. But guess what? This is totally unrelated to what this post is actually about. Yes, I can feel you going ‘WTF?! He’s written two humongous paragraphs already and still he hasn’t even started with the post?!’. Sadly, yeah. But you know me, so that’s expected. If you do know me, you would also know that none of my posts are complete without chicks. This one is no exception.

There is this chick in our college who I, er, kinda, sorta, like. She’s a senior of mine and I got to know her because our teams were participating in some quiz. The very next day, she and her class were organizing a quiz and me and my friend were taking part. So, we kept talking to her all the time. Why were you talking to her, you ask? Well, because we’d lost in that quiz in the very first round with a score of -20. So we could either go to the class or stay there and waste our time. Obviously, we chose the latter. Anyway, after this quiz ended and we went out, this chick’s ex-boyfriend confronted us. Here’s a snippet:-

Ex-Bf: Oye, tum log usse dur raho, meri usse baat chal rahi thi. Abhi nahi chal rahi hai but I’m sure ki fir chalegi. So I don’t want to see you near her. First years ho, apne saath ki ladkiyon ke saath baat kara karo. Seniors ke muh mat lago.

*With that much, he went away. After 2 minutes*

Me: Um, WTF? Kya telephone hai? Baat chal rahi hai, nahi chal rahi hai? Hadh hai.
A: Pata nahi yaar, forget it. Chal hum apne saath ki ladkiyon ke muh lagte hain.
Me: Hahaha, but yaar apne year mein koi hot ladki hai hi nahi.
A: Point. Fir kidhar chalein?
Me: Canteen chalte hain, Coke ke muh lagenge aur kya.

After this conversation, a lot of misunderstandings resulted and basically it ended up with everyone blaming each other. Thankfully, it didn’t get physical and the chick gave the guy a nice little lecture to calm him down. It was a non issue, we weren’t even hitting on her for God’s sake. We were just talking. So lets go on to the next day. The chick had a class in the class next to my class (Ahem.). So I went to her and :-

Me: Hey. Everything fine now na? Koi problem toh nahi hua?
Her: Haan, meri taraf se toh kuch nahi hua. Tum batao.
Me: Kuch nahi, it was just a misunderstanding. Clear ho gaya.
Her: Yea, I know. That’s what I was telling him. Tum log toh mere chote bhai jaise ho.
Me (in the head): WTF?! Chota bhai? Kab, kidhar, kaise, kyun?! NO.
Me (in real): Uh, yea. Achcha I gotta go, meri maths ki class hai.

Uhmm. Yeah, go ahead. Laugh your asses off. :|

Its not funny really. My expression I’m sure was though. I was completely flabbergasted. I mean, agreed I might not have hit on her in any case but whenever I see her now, the video version of that conversation starts playing in my head. It’s horrible. I have a friend who’s got a hot sister. The three of us have been friends since like, childhood. But I only realized that she’s hot now. Yes, I know I’m lame but that’s not the topic. So she’s a year younger than me. I thought I could hit on her but now I think, what if she makes me her “Big Brother”? Agreed Shilpa Shetty benefited from that but I’m sure I’ll not. Oh, and btw, now that we’ve mentioned Shilpa Shetty, all those people who think she’s irritating, annoying and ugly, put your hands up in the air. I mean, I hate her. My dad however seems to think she’s, ahem, “not bad”.

Amongst other “interesting” things, my family picked up this really uh, amazing topic the other day. I don’t know where it all started but it ended up with everybody discussing how ahem, urine therapy (EWWW!) was becoming popular these days. And guess when and where did they decide to have this discussion? They did it after all of them had eaten the dinner and I had just started. So all through my dinner, I had people discussing urine. It doesn’t get any better, trust me. Turns out one of my cousin’s mother takes cow urine and believes it really helps. Ahem. Yeah. Whatever. Here’s the conversation which resulted:-

Me: Kya yaar, aapko khaane ke time isse horrible topic nahi milta?
Mom: Hum toh khaana kha chuke hain.
Me: Main toh kha raha hun na?
Mom: Hum kya kar sakte hain, jaldi kha lena tha.
Me: Bleh, har cheez mein taana. Anyway, kaunsa koi peeta hoga urine.
Mom: XYZ (my cousin) ki mummy does.
Me: OMG! No way! You’ve got to be kidding me!
Mom: Nope, its the truth.
Me: What the hell, kyun?!
Mom: Because she thinks it works.
Me: Yaar ek kaam karo, yeh lo mera phone and XYZ ko phone karke bolo main kal se usse nahi mil raha :|
Mom: Hahaha, but he doesn’t drink. Usse kya problem hai?
Me: Arey yaar uski mom subah drink karke usko cheeks pe kiss karegi. Phir woh nahayega toh haath se muh dhoyega and uske haath pe lag jayega. Fir woh merese haath milayega. I don’t want that happening. :|

Has anyone of you ever, er, tried it? I know Morarji Desai used to drink his own urine. I wasn’t trying to hurt any sentiments but it sounds totally bizarre.

Anyways, I think this post is long enough to last another 20 days or so. So from one Post to another, Bhow wow till next month!

*Does anyone else in here read Stardust? If you do, you totally have to know where I chorofied the previous line from. :P *