Everyone believes in themselves. They always feel that there’s something about them and that they’re not ordinary. But then, one day, that bubble bursts and everything begins to crumble. That is when you start having serious doubts about yourself. That is when you sit on the bathroom floor and cry your heart out, as they show in the movies. That is when listening to the song Maa from Taare Zameen Par makes you wanna cry, not because you’ve never said some things to your mother, but because it seems that she never really understood you. That is when your mother comes to you and confesses that she’s ashamed of calling you her child. And that she thinks that you’ve destroyed whatever reputation she’s made amongst her colleagues in 20 years. She wishes she could really trade you for someone else. That is when you sit in your room and stare at your Allout mosquito killer and wonder why the light on it keeps vibrating in a weird way. That is when you wonder why your guitar, which your dad had taken in the morning, hasn’t come back. That is when you share your sadness with the smiling Ellen Page on your desktop hoping that somehow she would say something to comfort you. But she doesn’t. She just stays there and smiles away. That is when everybody tells you to study so that your mother doesn’t get sick because she’s way too worried for you. That is when your dad, who’s always believed in you, starts showing signs of disappointment and anger. That is when killing yourself doesn’t sound too illogical. That is when you wonder when you’ll read and comment on those 40+ unread posts lying in your feed reader. That is when you start believing that ‘Everyone is special in their own way’ is a line that was created by the special people to make the not so special people feel even worse. That is when you realize that a rank in a university exam not only determines your future salary, but also what your parents think of you. That is when you wonder why people keep saying that ‘Money is not everything’. Of course it is, because if it wasn’t, why would everyone stop talking to you and start cursing you if you don’t get a good rank? That is when you realize how very alone you really are. That is when you stop trying get rid of the ants on your table and let them crawl over you, hoping that they’ll bite you and everything will be over. And that is when you write sad and sentimental blog posts like these hoping that somehow things would get better, but also knowing deep in your heart, that they won’t.
Anyway, Priya tagged me and I quote her quoting someone else - Where Words Fail, Music Speaks. According to the tag, I have to -
“Think of THE song that most inspires you to write, whether it gives you an idea for a story, script or just puts you into a better frame of mind AND/OR peek into the lyrics and find a verse that sums up the theme of whatever project it is you’re working on.
If possible, post a video of the song to convey to readers the full context of the song and the mood it puts you into. Finally, send the assignment to five other writers to do as well.”
Well, there are many songs that make me happy but since I’m not really happy right now, I’ll only quote two. And yep Priya, you were right. This is gonna be full of Coldplay and Green Day.
- GREENDAY - Good Riddance (Time of Your Life) :- Green Day is basically punk rock. So when you listen to Green Day, you expect some nice beats and electric guitars and stuff like that. But Time of Your Life is a totally different song. It surprises me how that bloke called Billie Joe Armstrong just comes in with his acoustic guitar and sings the song all by himself. The lyrics are the best ever. It’s impossible for me to select one single paragraph or one single line. The song is brilliant as a whole. And the line, “It’s something unpredictable but in the end it’s right, I hope you had the time of your life” is one of my most used lines. I keep saying this to everybody. Too bad YouTube doesn’t have the actual video of this song. Actually, it does have the original video so it was my mistake. Sorry YouTube. Thank you Naomi.
- Coldplay - Fix You :- Fix You is an amazing song for a number of reasons. One of them is the lyrics. Another one is that it’s a four part harmony. All in all, it always manages to bring a smile upon my face. And the funny thing it isn’t exactly a happy song. It’s a sad but hopeful song. I like it because it makes me feel that yeah, the lights will guide me home. And someone will come to fix me. And then it’ll all be fine. You know what I mean?
And now, I have to tag five people. Lemme see. I tag the people who will post the 3rd, 8th, 11th, 13th and 17th comment. If you don’t wanna do it, it’s fine because it’s no compulsion. If someone else also wants to do it, go ahead, be my guest.
54 Comments
I actually don’t know what to say because though I had that situation two years ago with GCSES, it wasn’t that serious in the long run for me.
Things will get better. I promise you, once you reach rock bottom, the only way is up.
Please tell me you’re kidding! Of course it’s illogical! I’m sorry to hear that stuff about your mom and dad, but you shouldn’t let your parents or your score determine what you’re worth.
In my opinion, you’re worth a lot more than you believe right now.
haha, does nobody want to be the 3rd commenter? i’ll do the meme.
that aside, i hope you’ll feel better… *hugs* i love you, you know?
hey ish i can undrstd hw u feelin ryte nw..i really can…hard not 2 wen ma situation is vry similar 2 urs ryte nw
n i can also undrstd howeva mch ppl try 2 mke u believ u r worth a lot mre..smehow u neva believ it
stil i wud say…keep faith in urself…thts wts most imp…hoeva mch ur frnds family,parents mke u believ dis…dnt loose ur faith in urself n 1 day u can force evry1 to treat u wid d luv n respect u deserve
another thing…as mch as evn i get angry n sad at my parents for loosin dere hpe wid me…i stil kno dey luv me..same applies for…dnt evr forget tht..coz in d end thts gna giv u d strength u need 2 survive
*hugs*
you do realize that Youtube DOES have the music video for Good Riddance (Time of Your Life)??? when was this post written….8 years ago? The vids been on there for quite some time.
hey cheer up. things are gonna be well.
i dont really know how serious this is, but hey, parents are built to function tht way. I rem how bad i used to do in school, and they wud take away my stuff as well. even now, my sem results were ok, n my parents were upset. tht explains why i vanish at days so tht i can put in my extra effort n still say i tried if things went wrong. but its ok, someday soon ul all forget it when things have cooled down.
tc
see ya!
that sounded a little rude, sorry bout that, but I couldn’t believe that you said YouTube doesn’t have the vid for it. Here’s a link:
http://youtube.com/watch?v=dQVVTAJbVh8
and it is the actual vid for the song
It’s not the best quality. Warner has its own youtube channel but I guess they removed the vid.
@Sha: Those are all sayings, and I’ve stopped believing in such feel good kind of things. Plus, you never know when it’s rock bottom. There’s always a chance that things can get worse.
@NightWriter: Well, no, I wasn’t kidding. The thing is that I don’t mean that I’ll commit suicide but when things start going downhill and you start feeling that nobody really wants you, that’s when you feel that killing yourself and vanishing from the world is the best thing that can be done. I always used to think why students commit suicide after bad results but now I know what it feels like and seriously, it doesn’t need much more to force you into suicide.
@Sulz: Lol, I knew this was gonna happen. Now people are gonna stop after the seventh comment and not try to be the 8th one and stuff. That’s why I mentioned that it’s completely your will if you wanna do it or not. No hard feelings from my side.
And yep, I know you love me.
@Shaivi: How do I still keep faith in myself Shaivi? I’ve tried many times but it’s difficult to always keep on ignoring what your parents keep saying and what your friends say to you unknowingly. I’m just below average, I have to accept that one day or the other. The sooner I do it, the better it would be for me and everybody else too.
Maybe my parents love me, I don’t know. But they’ve never really managed to show it to me. As far as I remember, marks have always been a criteria that determines their behavior and love towards me. And I can’t really blame them, it’s not their fault that they expect me to get the marks and make them proud.
@Naomi: Yea, I searched again and found it this time, my bad. Funny I hadn’t found it till now.
@Xylene: Are they really? I don’t know.
@Shuz: Well, this is kind of serious yeah but seems like I’m only over reacting because everyone says that it’s happened to them too. I keep hoping things would change but they refuse to do so. At one point of time, you just give up with life. I think I’m getting closer to that point each day.
@Naomi: That’s okay. And yep, it was my mistake that I couldn’t find that video over all these years. Maybe I hadn’t looked too far or searched for the wrong thing. But I did find it now, it was there in the search results, the same video you’ve mentioned in here.
I looked into your channel too and the video was there but then it said that it wasn’t available in my country. So I thought that maybe that’s why it wasn’t appearing in my search results. But when I did search again, there it was..the 7th or the 8th result. Thanks for the link.
Ish, you write very well. I can relate to your post as a mother and as a daughter. The surprising part is that even though you face and experience all this as a son or daughter but when you are a parent nothing changes much.There are certain changes but they are due to the change in the general environment.As you grow up the truth of the big bad world dawns on you.Your child is your strength and your biggest weakness.You want to protect your child from the cruel world and end up hurting your child yourself.Among all those thoughts the biggest truth is that your parents love you and that is why they are capable of hurting you.
No need of getting disheartened children these days have too many options and can make a career in a profession of their choice.You and your parents both will forget this phase once you achieve even a small success.
In a moment, everything can change,
Feel the wind on your shoulder,
For a minute, all the world can wait,
Let go of your yesterday.
Can you hear it calling?
Can you feel it in your soul?
Can you trust this longing?
And take control,
Fly
Open up the part of you that wants to hide away
You can shine,
Forget about the reasons why you can’t in life,
And start to try, cause it’s your time,
Time to fly.
All your worries, leave them somewhere else,
Find a dream you can follow,
Reach for something, when there’s nothing left,
And the world’s feeling hollow.
Fly
Open up the part of you that wants to hide away
You can shine,
Forget about the reasons why you can’t in life,
And start to try, cause it’s your time,
Time to fly.
And when you’re down and feel alone,
Just want to run away,
Trust yourself and don’t give up,
YOU KNOW YOU BETTER THAN ANYONE ELSE.
http://pricelessjunk.wordpress.com/2007/07/06/fly-hilary-duff/
Take Care
oh dear. why does this keep happening with you? if its of any comfort, i spent the whole of Wednesday crying and last night mom yelled at me again.
time of your life is one of my favs too, i juts never know who sung it and all.
anyway, you take care, and this template btw, is starting to grow on me.
@pr3rna: You’re right yeah, they get disappointed because they expect things from me. I don’t really tell them my troubles so I can’t blame them for not understanding me. It’s not like they don’t try. They don’t need the money I’ll earn anyway, they only wanna see me happy I guess. But that’s not happening right now and that’s what is making me sad. I’ve faced a lot of flak from people and I’m used to it but sometimes things just combine and everything falls apart.
@Priya: Thanks for the song, inspirational songs always make you feel better but still can’t take away that doubt, that mental block in your mind. It’s just like hopeful sayings..you know like everything will be alright. The person who you’re saying it to hopes that everything will be alright but isn’t able to feel it. But thanks for being concerned, I wasn’t really expecting many comments on this post. I wrote it for myself mostly..you know just to get rid of all the pent up emotions.
@Nids: That is such a good question, why does this keep happening with me? Whenever I ask myself, I ask my myself why it happens to ME but I never asked why it KEEPS happening to me again and again. Maybe I should ask myself that next time. I might get an answer. I’m sorry about you crying..I mean I don’t wanna take comfort in the fact that others have been sad.
And I thought you weren’t a lot into music? Time of Your Life is a wicked song though. Very likeable.
And now you like this template? Teh amazing! You didn’t like it earlier and now that I wanna change , you start liking it. Amazing.
Keep your chin up dude. I don’t know if anything I can say will help, but don’t do something EXTREME. Think with a clean mind. Best of luck.
Btw, you have to do this meme again.. you are the 13th commentator!
Oh and you need to read that King Bruce and the Spider story again. Don’t give up, no matter what.
i kno ish n again i’l say i undrstd n trust me i can undrstd ur situation mre than u think i can…cant really tel it 2 u here bt i av been a failure 2 my parents 2 n evry damn sec i av 2 liv wid tht feelin
by havin faith i do not mean tht u shd av sme illusions abt urself…no ..its ok if u below avg..evry1’s not a genius bt tht dosent mean below avg ppl dnt survive n mke it big in dere life(big as in acc 2 dere situation big)…dey do na??so can u
i kno its damn hard 2 keep faith in urself wen al u hear arnd urself is -ve stuff abt u..bt trust me sweetie thts d only thing thts gna giv u d courage 2 keep on movin for eventually in this journey of life we are all alone, absoluetely alone, and that’s how we ought to be.And in the end u r d only person dere for urself…so av faith in urself…believ it tht 1 day u gna get out of dis n tht 2 by urself
i cant post u a calvin n hobbes cartoon bt dis wud av been perfect 2 mke u undrstd parents attitude …its nothin new ish…al parents r same
n now u betr cheer up…ish dosent luk cute at al lke dis
Commenting to show my presence
Will read post throughly and then comment again. 
I finished my degree in 2002 and hadn’t a clue about my life. I dropped for one year and prepared for the GATE exams conducted by IIT. It was my last chance and gave it my 100%. You know what happened? I FAILED. Can you imagine? Failing after one year of hardwork? That night I planned to cut my wrist. I had a blade in my hand but I don’t know what stopped me. I threw the blade away.
Now when I look back, I realise that the BESTEST years of my life are the ones which I have lived after that incidence. I have enjoyed my life so much after that failure and have made so many great friends that I shudder each time I think of that night. I would have lost this beautiful life I am living right now if I would have ended my life that night.
So, YOU, never ever ever ever are going to talk like that again. I don’t want to see another post like this again on this blog. We are all special and you are going to realise that very soon.
And one more thing, go and talk to your parents. Ask them all the questions you have asked on this post. Don’t fight. TALK. Believe me, everything will be very easy after that.
Okay, so you are depressed.
You know, it does feel like that at times. But come on, things aren’t ever that bad. I mean, parents never hate their kids no matter what. They do want them to do stuff, but in the end, even if you don’t, they won’t exactly disown you.
BTW, are you serious when you say you cried in the bathroom?
And if it makes you feel any better, I won’t stop reading your blog even if you turn out to be a failure (according to your standards) in life.
@Ashish: What extreme thing do you think I could do? Commit suicide or run away from home? Nope, I won’t do that. I don’t even have the guts for that.
And as far as the King Bruce and the spider story is concerned, that seems to come auto-embedded in everyone’s mind so it’s always there in the back of your head. It doesn’t give any hope, you know.
@Shaivi: Thanks for whatever you’ve said. Of course I know what you’re saying is all correct but you don’t wanna face the facts when you’re sad. I’m okay now though, coming back to terms with stuff and it’s better already thanks to all the comments. I like your opinion about how we’re all alone and that’s how it’s supposed to be. You’re right. Thanks for everything. I’ll try and get back to being the good old me as soon as I can.
@Suda: Heh, reserving spots, are we?
@Amit: Thanks for sharing that thing with me. The precise reason I don’t wanna die is that that would be a waste of life. Dying is a way of escaping things and that’s not something I wanna do. I have to face the things and show the people that I’m not useless..so, yea, I’ll try to not make posts like these in the future. But I do get depressed sometimes and that’s when this stuff comes out.
About the talking to the parents thing, I’ve tried. It just doesn’t work out and I don’t even know how. Some mistake is mine, I’m afraid of what they’ll think if I put my point through. There’s also a problem that I don’t even have the faintest clue about what I wanna do, so whenever they ask me what I wanna do if I don’t wanna do engineering, I don’t have an answer. I used to come first earlier, they can’t understand why that doesn’t happen any longer, so they get impatient. It always ends up with one of us shouting before I even get to the point. Maybe I should write them a letter, send them an e-mail or something. You think that will work?
@Espera: Yep, I’m depressed. You got that right. And yeah, I know things aren’t that bad. My situation is better than so many other people but you know it, you just have to feel sad sometimes. It’s only human, you know.
I cried in the bathroom, yeah. See, I got a rank like 1 lakh in an examination and there were 1 lakh 5 thousand people appearing..so that’s really bad. My mom got totally pissed off and sad many things which she might not have meant really. But she said it, and that was bad. Her disappointment in me and the feeling of my own failure combined and made me cry. And bathroom was the best place obviously, you can’t really go unnoticed anywhere else.
I’m glad you say that you’ll read this blog even if I turn out to be a failure. I hope I keep writing it though. I’ve got good friends. Thanks for everything.
And as far as the King Bruce and the spider story is concerned, that seems to come auto-embedded in everyone’s mind so it’s always there in the back of your head. It doesn’t give any hope, you know.
It’s not supposed to be a rallying cry for the hopeless, more of a lesson for them. Never give up. Why not start over again? Why not give it your 100% in whatever you do next? There are two choices - cry over spilt milk or make sure the milk doesn’t spill again.
If you fail once, try again. Keep trying until you succeed. If you push it away now, it will come back later. Start now. Things will take a good turn then, I’m sure.
@Ash: That’s the thing, I don’t know where to start again and what to do. I’m so confused and on top of that everyone’s angry with me. It’s like you’ve tied a brick to the spider so that things get more difficult. You know what I mean? But I have some plans now, I decided today.
And thanks for your message, sorry I couldn’t reply to it because I have no balance. And try calling tomorrow morning between 10 and 2 if possible because I’m sort of grounded right now and my folks are not gonna like to see me attending calls.
thts lke d ish we kno
btw m again jumpin in b/w (as alwys :P) bt i think talkin 2 ur parents part can b a bit difficult…aftr readin ur posts..as far as i av understud no amt of talkin wil hlp infact talkin to ho he nahi payegi …u’l mke up ur mind 2 talk n as soon as u strt it wil turn in2 a full blown fite..happns wid me al d time…i av evn stopped tryin
dey r jst not in d mood 2 listen ryte nw n dey wont b until dey dnt change dere opinion abt u
n hey u can alwys turn 2 writin as a career if nothin else works out..u really gud at it
shw ur parents ur blog sme day thts gna giv dem sme relief knwin ek reserve mei career hai for dere boy..writin
kidding :D…cheer up now
I don’t think writing letters work. What I am suggesting is very filmy, but it works. It breaks the ice. Go in your parents bedroom, hold your father’s hand and put your head in your mother’s lap and say everything you want to say. Even if it makes you cry, go ahead and cry. Don’t hold back anything. They will surely listen to you.
Ish, at this point of time, your parents are as scared as you are. They love you a lot and they are worried. No parents are going to say that its ok if you don’t get into some college etc etc, they are surely going to scold you. Don’t take it to heart.
I read in the above comment that you have decided something. I don’t know what it is but its a positive step. And I think engineering is a pretty good option too. You still have that Punjab paper left. Ish, it is a creative job…there is so much to learn and you get paid well too. It opens a lot of doors. Think about it too. Its not that bad if you are in the proper MNC. Things are very professional.
Baaki, before you talk to your parents, think beforehand about the things you want to say. And don’t raise your voice even if they do. Try to reason. They are scared for you. Thats all.
yes, and hopefully when you get a reply from yourself, it should stop.
hmm…ur viteee rank? even my friend got her result yesterday, was quite depressed. i didn’t mean that you shud be happy that others were sad, i just wanted to remind you that there are other people in the same boat too.
and this template, the whole web 2.0 feel. very nice. and i rather like blue, not this shade, a more baby blue shade
I don’t know where to start again and what to do.
It will make her feel better… even if it doesn’t, Gandhigiri is your way dude. Plus you need to improve your work ethic. Do NOT leave anything you start unfinished. Slowly, those habits will migrate to your studies too. 
Only you can answer that. But as to starting again, why not now? How to do that? Well I think this coming sunday might some of the problem… maybe a gift and a card?
And if you can’t talk to your parents without argument, writing a letter may be a good idea.
I’ll try to call you tomorrow. Me too no balance. The internet cuts Rs.15/day, but STD is Rs.1.50 now!!!
But I have some plans now, I decided today.
I’m down with any plan you make… except joining up with Shani and conquering my world!
The hardest thing to do sometimes, to talk to our parents. I’ve been there before. They never seem to see things from our point of you.
The worst is when they start “expecting” things from us, and we’re not able to full fill that expectation. Thats when we feel sad.
When something like this happened to me last time, I too cried like crazy inside my room. That was when I decided tat I will never give ‘em another chance to regret. I don’t really care about their “expectations” any more. Dad’s hardly around. I get so angry when he tells me stuff like “you need to get into medical coz your sis never did”. I mean, WTF ?! He’s hardly with me here and starts all these “expectations” crap on the phone.
I have my own dreams and I’m off to chase ‘em.
Talking to mom is like hell. She never understands. When you say they start judging us through our marks, I so understand.
My moms always comparing me to my neighbour ( who happens to be in my class itself ). Everytime I say my marks, she asks “how much did neighbour get” ? Thats when I feel like burning my neighbour’s house.
And you, Don’t give a damn. Really. I’ve now turned into this rebellious girl at home. Seems to be working well.
P.S.- Ok, maybe I’m saying all negetive stuff, but thats whats happened to me. Maybe, you can turn out to be better. Peace.
@Shaivi: Yea, it’s difficult talking to them right now. It’s not the right time because right now they’ll be too tensed between themselves and would not wanna know what I feel. And it seems it’s gonna remain that way till the board results come. And when they do, it’s gonna get worse. Yeh to sirf trailer tha, asli dhamaaka toh tabhi hoga.
And no, I can’t become a writer. I’ve tried several times you know. There’s a lot of difference between writing a blog and writing a full blown article for a newspaper and stuff like that. Moreover, seeing this blog is the last thing they would wanna do right now. That would be like suicide almost.
@Amit: I would try and talk to my parents but I don’t know what to say and how to say things that’d convince them. I’ve gotten bad results since the last two years and now they’ve started believing that I for some strange reason actually wanna trouble them and ruin my own life. And I don’t even know what I should say to them. Engineering is what I’ve been told I should do from a very young age. If I go and tell them that I don’t wanna do it, they’ll ask me what I wanna do and again I’ll have no answer because I’ve never had anyone telling me about alternate career’s. So ultimately I’ll end up accepting what they say and it’ll all be back to square one. It’s happened so many times. That’s why I don’t even have the kind of courage to face them now. I know they love me and I love them too but let’s just say we’re both bad at expressing our love for each other.
@Nidhi: Yea, it’ll stop then. But getting a reply wouldn’t be a piece of cake either. Yep, it was my viteee rank. And your friend’s rank can’t be more dismal than mine. I’m something like 1 lakh..and there was only 1 lakh 5 thousand something appearing so that’s really bad by any standards.
And sad you’ve started liking the theme now because I’ve almost decided to change it. I’m gonna go back to the one I had prior to this..the plain white one and add images and stuff to that. If it doesn’t work, I’ll get back to this. Again.
@Ashish: Okay, you’re trying to say that I should give her a gift for Mother’s Day right? I don’t think I can do that. Even if I do, I won’t really mean it for some strange reason..and there’s no logic in doing something you don’t mean to. On top of that, I’m completely bankrupt. I don’t even have the money to buy a Center Fresh.
And you’re right about my work ethics. Those need a lot of improvement. I do need to complete a lot of things, the PFHOI contest is what I’m gonna start with. That’s work too.
And no worries about calling me. I’m okay now and I’m fine writing things too. You know how I am on the phone, I can’t sustain conversations for some reason. But if you still wanna call, be my guest. Btw, how much do you spend on the phone monthly? 15 bucks per day is a lot for the internet. I never got it activated on my phone because I always thought it was too expensive.
And don’t worry, I won’t even think about conquering your land. Being an emperor is complicated. I’m happy being the Poultry Minister as long as you keep paying me enough.
@Priya: Your comment pretty much summarizes my life up too. Except the fact that I still haven’t realized what my dreams are..trying to achieve them is too far-fetched.
The expectations shit is the thing that spoils the parent children relationship. Expectation and Comparison are two things that should be banned. It’s funny that when all the mothers gather together..all they have to discuss is their children..and they’ll never discuss the creative aspects..they’ll always say that my child topped and this and that. And then your mother comes home and narrates the entire thing to you and asks you why you can’t be like that? That’s when I get pissed off. I mean how can I reply to that? I’m not the same as the other auntie’s son is for Christ’s sake. And judging on the basis of marks..everybody does that. It’s not just the parents. Most of my classmates and friends manage to do that too..at the end you just tend to think..Who all are you gonna blame? Things will never change.
I’m kind of rebellious too. I don’t listen to anyone and I give them rude replies too sometimes..which I would never have imagined doing five years before now. But then, things have changed a lot since those days.
You are having trouble choosing careers/stream right? You could try thinking it over again [which you must have done, obviously] or maybe if you are still clueless, you could take one year off, do something else and FIND what you wanna do. In fact, that also gets you motivated in studies. But use that as a last.
Rs 465 monthly for an unlimited connection ain’t that bad… except its dialup and the only afforadable dialup in town. The broadband provider has done his bhoomipoojan and will start handing out connections “soon”… perhaps next year!
P.S. I meant a homemade card with the letter for mothers day… but thinking it over, I really think you need to TALK. But first decide on what your Plan B aka Alternate career is.
P.P.S. I see that you are taking your Work ethic seriously. Good.
P.P.P.S. Also, you’re up for promotion for not siding with Lady Evil… the only loyal supporter of the Geeky Empire - Master Ishmeet!
den v r sharin d same boat ish…my 2nd yr graduation result is gna cme out ne day nw..n wen it does big tyme watt lagne wali hai meri…so if u dnt find me commentin on ur blog for a few days samajh jaana lol
writer wala part ws not a srs thing..i ws jst kidin re
I can so understand how you are (were?) feeling. Happens. Confidence dwindles. I watch a Rocky whenever that happens. You should too probably. To be true, I’ve never seen you this serious ever. For a moment there, I thought I had entered Apoorv Khatreja’s Hash. I’ll tell you the same thing I told a depressed friend few days earlier. There’s no way anything can change this. And somethings cant be explained at all, even to our parents. So just picture Rakhi Sawant playing Hulk and smile.
@Ashish: Yeah, I really can’t decide what I want to do. When I talk to my parents about alternate careers such as Mass Communication or even a BCA, they say that it wouldn’t get you the money and hence you should do a B.Tech. Basically, they want me to do what they want me to do, not what I really want to do. That’s why most of our talks end up with shouting and one of the parties simply smashing the door on the other. It’s really difficult convincing them because they’re teachers themselves.
Yeah, but Rs. 465 on the phone is kinna expensive. Or do you use it with the computers too? I hope your broadband guy gets his ass and his connections working soon.
I wished my mother on Mother’s Day. I think that was enough. I had to really put down my ego and do it because it’s always me who has to take the initiative to patch things up after an argument even if it isn’t my fault. Nobody gives me anything on Children’s Day.
Yay, I get a promotion. Does that mean an increase in salary? Please? Please? Pretty please?
@Shaivi: Ah, chalo, good luck for your results then. I’ll pray for you, and even though Bhagwaan meri zyada sunta nahi hai but meri gut feel kehti hai ki is baar sunega.
@Sneezy: You’re so right, you know. I can talk about it, I can be depressed but in the end, nothing is gonna change. It’s gonna remain the same for me, and for every other child on this planet. It’s just the fucking society that has created all this and the education system of this country is merely arming parents with reasons to despise, loath and make their own children, their own blood and flesh feel like some useless roadside animal.
Rakhi Sawant playing Hulk. ROFL, that should surely help.
You made me cry man !! .. Amazing post … One of the best I hv read in along time..
But things will improve buddy adn dont forget, you ruely are a rockstar !!!
@Soham: I’m sorry for making you cry, but anyhow, I’m glad you think it’s one of the best you’ve read in a long time.
And I hope things improve soon but no, I’m not a rockstar. Not yet, at least.
Now I think, I should have at least read few lines before commenting my comment above [17th
]. I hurried because I WANTED to do THIS tag 
Now, I am leaving topic of you parents aside. I have something defferent to tell youi. Sadness!! Sadness is a great feeling. Really!!! (well, not every time) But why?? Because it makes us realize things which we normally could have missed. And you know that Sadness is the inspiration of some simply splendid authors and poets. I am telling you this for suggesting to make good use of your current condition and mindset
I am not joking, this is what I did when I was facing saddest time in life (so far).
And this
is perfect reflection of your personality. I am sure you can produce some excellent sad-comedy indeed.
Alas, this comment is little off-topic, I am sure you will not hit me for boring you
Cheers
Suda
Ish, I can totally relate to this. I have been through many such arguments/fights and shouting sessions with my parents too. And after bein married, things are too great either. Two options: 1, believe that they care for you and that’s why they are so scared. 2, accept it as a part of your life. It is also part of growing up. The teenage years are not so smooth. It’s like you find your parents your biggest enimies. Comparing you with other cousins/friends/neighbours. Asking to score high marks.
I had failed in one subject in school some year. My mom said if I dont pass with good marks, she will fire the maid of our house and ask me to do all the chores. She used to even scare me by saying that she will set herself ablaze. That was the most bizzarre thing of all the things she ever said.
It’s totally possible that they won’t understand what you say and vice versa. And just because they are your parents, doesn’t mean that your thought process and attitudes should be same. Parents and their opinions are the most impressionable on us and we tend to build up our image as to what they think of us. But that is not true. You are not what your parents think you are. Don’t let their opinions affect your self esteem.
Reading all the comments here is proof that others have been through similar situations and all parents are more or less the same. After some time, you just have to let go.
Sneezy Melon: Rakhi Sawant playing Hulk is completely imaginable. She has wrestler arms. If you ever notice them, they are like, a weight lifter’s arms.
Ishmeet: I never cry in the bathroom. My bathroom is not sound-proof. The next thing I’ll know is that people from upstairs have come hammering at my doorstep, demanding to know who’s being tortured.
Oh it happens … and it’s queer hearing people singing in their showers, I tell you!!
Anyway, look, dude, me parents also say a lot of things to me at times and whether they mean it or not, they say it anyway. But then there are also those times when yours say a lot of good things about you. Do you go and laugh in the bathroom for that? Guess not.
Maybe it sounds a little like unwanted advice … par comment likhna toh likh diya … =P
I don’t think I’m going to be really impressing my parents any time soon either. So there!
@Suda: I’m glad you brought that up. Even I think that the best stuff comes out of a person when he or she’s sad which I think is because when we’re sad, we wanna throw everything out and things we didn’t even think we had, come out. Almost all good stuff did come out when the person was going bankrupt or was depressed. There must be some reason for it indeed.
But alas, I’m not sad anymore. So I’m gonna go back to producing shitty comedy stuff.
@Maddie: You’re right about everything you’ve said Maddie. And I’ve realized many things after reading the comments in here. I’m not the only one who’s sad and is having issues with parents. Almost everyone has had them and looking at the kind of success that they’ve achieved, I hope I’ll reach somewhere too. Alas, I can’t be that useless right?
Yes, my mother also says that she’ll die if I carry on like this. That’s when it gets really scary. I don’t care about what happens to my life..it’s my life and I’m sure I’ll live through it somehow. But I don’t want the people I love to suffer because of me. She’s scared but she doesn’t realize that I’m resolute and I’m sure that I won’t fail always. I’ll do something for myself.
And you’re absolutely correct about the we think what we are according to what our parents think part too. I know who I am, they don’t know that now but they will one day. Right now they think I’m lazy and I don’t wanna work hard but I know that’s not the case. I’m not working right now because it doesn’t interest me. When I do something that does interest me, there’s no chance that I won’t work hard.
@Espera: I cry silently even in the bathroom. The thing is that when you cry outside, you can do that silently but people can see you and come to know. Bathroom mein, you still have to be silent but you can make weird faces and cry which always helps.
And that was a brilliant logic about going and laughing in the bathroom. I’ma do it the next time they say something good about me. It’ll be like “Woah wait, I need to go to the bathroom and do a jig. Brb!”
I’m sorry. I really am. There is no worse feeling than the feeing of having failed, and of rejection by family.
Just a suggestion- have you considered going to a career counselor who can evaluate your skills and suggest alternate career paths? I ask because I used to be dead set on medicine or engineering myself till quite a while. We used to have a compulsory career counselling session before the 10th boards in school, and it really changed my life. I would have been in your place myself, had it not been for them. And by your place, I mean, an intelligent person stuck in a position where the marks aren’t coming, and possibly not caring enough to put in 20 hours of mad dog work everyday to crack the competetive exams. Because, Ish, thats how most of the rankers get their ranks. Through 14-20 hours of daily work…for over a year. It has little to do with how intelligent you are and your true worth.
I was evaluated by them, and told that I possessed the skillset to do well in any field I chose, BUT I would probably be happiest doing something creative like film-making. I went to another career counselor later and they said the same thing, pretty much. Many of my friends were told of options they hadnt even begun to consider. One of my friends’ dad was set on her doing engineering and getting into IIT. And by that I mean SET. He bought her books, yelled at her, made her cry if she didn’t do well in science. The counselors told her that her strength lay in commerce, and asked to speak to her parents. They resisted, but soon they realised that it was true. They allowed her to take commerce.
I’m not saying there is any set formula to undoing this kind of result-related unhappiness. But I think you should seriously consider a career counselor. I can look up links for you if you like. You’re a very smart boy, and I’d hate to see your intelligence get wasted on the wrong choice.
All the best, and I know that a person who writes like this CANNOT be a useless, worthless, brainless failure
Even considering it is laughable 
Oh, and a career counselor can also tell your parents that these days getting money is easy. Infact, engineering graduates are not earning much. The future is really humanities and commerce. You earn SHIT loads with MassComm. Heck, you earn when you blog!! Bloggers earn anything from 40,000/- for blogging!!
The future is here. It’s time your parents were told this by people they would respect. The time for conventional careers is almost over. Now its all about multi-tasking and versatility.
(BTW- MassComm careers get you starting salaries upwards of 50,000/- in a lot of places. Commerce students, right after graduating earn 10 lacs per annum. So there!
)
You can tell your parents, since they don’t expect anything from you etc., that you are going to Ladakh and becoming a monk. Monk who sold his scooter.
, also, assuming that you are still eligible to become church’s father, so the future is still open.
I am also due to do this tag, Nita had tagged me. But no inspirational song is coming to my mind.
Have you heard “Everybody’s free to wear sunscreen - Baz Luhrman” song.
@Sporadic: I’ve considered career counsellings many times. See, both my mother and father are lecturer’s and they counsel children all day and hence they think that they know what’s right for me..which actually is not right. But I’m taking your advice, I’m gonna tell my father to take me to a career counselor and let me just see for once what’s best for me. But I’ll do that after my last competitive engineering exam next month because I pretty much know that with the kind of scores I will get, I’ll not get admission in a decent place. So at that time, they’ll be willing to consider options and that’s when I will attack them.
My parents can’t understand the deal because I’ve always excelled in science and so they thought that engineering would come naturally to me. What they didn’t understand was that science was simple then, and it’s much complicated now. I was never good at Maths but they never saw that as a sign and chose to ignore it. The only other thing I’m good at is English. But I’m also good at Computers so they thought that I should do computer engineering but they don’t realize that for that I need to do Physics and Chemistry also and I’m not interested in that. So at one point I was thinking that Mass Comm. would be logical but then again they interfered and said that do engineering and all so it got confused. But yea, I’ll get career counseling now. That only sounds logical. Thanks.
@Anshul: Yea, this post was actually very missable. I’m fine now, as the next post indicates. Actually I made that one in a hurry to cover this one up because it’s too emo to be true.
And the monk who sold his scooter is a nice idea. I’ll sell the scooter, buy a Ferrari and then sell that too. At least I’ll get the title of the book right.
And no, I haven’t heard that song.
k, check out the song (if interested), you might relate to it.
I’ve put it on download, will check out as soon as it gets completed. Thanks for the suggestion.
arey kya ho gaya yaar………………. don’t get so depressed. Just remember that no matter what life goes and in this long life your parents will be the only people standing beside you during every high and low…..
Okay, I’m super late for commenting but I want to do it because I can still relate to it. I don’t think my mother has ever been happy with me after my 10th. She totally gave up on me after I refused to sit for AIEEE and similar exams two years back and I think this is the only reason why she’s stopped grumbling about my choice of subjects or me, in general.
It’s always the same with parents, isn’t it? Expecting more than they should. But I guess they can’t help it. Yes, they want us to succeed but no matter how low it sounds, somewhere, there’s a desire to feel proud of their kid, to sort of “show it off” in front of the whole world and when that doesn’t happen, the disappointment turns to shame as well. Why else would a parent say that they are ashamed of their kid because he/she didn’t get into IIT/PEC/DCE/BITS or some other decent engineering college like the neighbouring kid or so-and-so cousin?
Frankly, I have no consolation or anything to offer because I’m still kinda in the same boat as far as my parents are concerned. Or at least, my mother is. However, I think the only option is just to hang in there. Wail, cry, mope around for a couple of hours and then, let it ago. If that’s how it is, you can’t do much. What you CAN do is just go along with whatever happens. Perhaps you’ll do fine in the AIEEE thing (if the results aren’t out yet) or in the Punjab CET. Who knows, if you opt for something else, that would go magically right for you? I have noticed that eventually, whatever happens, it does have a reason and a lot of times, it’s a very good one. This whole maxim makes total sense to me.
And if I can guess something from this blog (which I haven’t been reading for too long), it’s that you seem to be a intrinsically happy person. You know what the good thing about them is? They can find happiness everywhere and in everything because it exists. They can’t be depressed or feel low for too long because they find life is too short to be wasted while moping about things in the view of the long run.
Around December, at Someplace, I was perhaps the closest to feeling depressed that I have ever been and I was away from home, family and old friends. When I couldn’t help it, I’d broken down in front of two good friends and poured out my woes, which now seem sort of minor in retrospect. However, those two guys helped me decide what I eventually wanted and then, one of them who had loved Om Shanti Om as much as I did said something totally filmy but it still made me happy and was strangely consoling. So, quoting him,
“Aur jiwein ki saade Shah Rukh jee ne keha hai, ‘Hamaari filmon ki tarah hamaari life mein bhi end mein sab kucch acchha hee acchha hota hai aur agar acchha na ho, toh picture abhi baaki hai mere dost.”
And I agree with Perx.
No matter how depressed they make you feel, how many snide remarks they pass, whatever they say, parents are eventually the only people who will always be there for you. You can make the biggest of mistakes and they’ll scold and whine but will still accept you.
@Perx: Yea, you’re right of course. But depression happens, and when it does, you just feel that you’re completely alone.
@Drenched: Thanks for the comment. I can see you totally understand because you’ve been through it too. And I agree with every single word you’ve said.
I talked to my mother yesterday without getting angry and told her that I don’t wanna do engineering. I told her I had my mind set on doing Mass Comm or BCA and then something else as I can see it. She did shout initially but finally she agreed. She wouldn’t have agreed if I had said this in 10th, but in the last two years, she’s seen so much failure that she decided that I should be left alone. And I’m happy like that seriously. I realized that okay, I may get into a college because at the end of the day, most of them go empty but I would never succeed in engineering because I don’t even wanna do it now. The only reason they thought I should do engineering was that I was interested in computers but I’ve figured that engineering doesn’t even have the kind of subjects that interest me. I can’t just do it because there’s one subject of computers in it. She says my problem is that I don’t work hard, I say that I would when I’m doing what I want to actually do. So now I’m hoping something magical happens.
As far as the shame part is concerned, yes, that’s true. And that’s one major problem with the Indian society. All parents can discuss is children and when your child isn’t worth discussing, you feel bad and you take out that anger on him, which destroys him slowly. Parents need to realize that pay packages and degrees are not the only things that matter in the world. Ultimately it’s the satisfaction in what you’re doing that matters. But they go by the society and it’s rules. They say that if I don’t get into a good college or flunk, the people would call the parents failures, which is sort of true also. I wish I could just go to all those parents and tell them that hey, it’s just me and it’s not their fault. I mean it’s not even a fault. It’s a personal choice..I don’t wanna sit in front of a work station and do something what I don’t wanna do. Money is not always the thing..and it’s certainly not for me.
And I don’t know if I’m an intrinsically happy person. I try finding fun and happiness in small things yes but I’m also sad a lot of times. When I’m sad, I don’t usually write posts. This was one such example where I did right. Otherwise, I keep my sadness to myself mostly. And I try to be as happy as the situation permits.
And about your friends, it’s always a good thing to have friends to console you. I, however, haven’t made many real ones in my life. I still don’t have a person close to me in front of whom I can cry and stuff. They just won’t understand. But I might confess anything to the people I’ve met online. Because somehow, they don’t judge me. They try and understand.
And that dialogue from Om Shanti Om. It’s gold. You won’t believe how many times I’ve used it to get my friends to be happy during the boards or whenever they’ve been sad. Sadly, nobody ever reciprocated it to me. Today, you’ve done that and it makes me very happy. Thank you so much.
First things first..I sooo missed your blog..and your comments on my blogg!
Secondly, i just LOVE the new look of your blog…Dunno how new it actually is..!!
Thirdly, dont have enough time at hand to read the post..will be right back to comment on it..
And ooohh…My name “FINALLY” appears on your blogroll..Thanku thanku thanku..The Sun-Signer huh?I love it!
And finally, How were the papers??Entrances I mean…And the result?I guess its out!!
@Prachi: Make new posts on your blog soon man, I’ve been eagerly waiting to comment!
You like my new look? Great. And yep, it’s pretty new..just about 20 days old I guess.
Your name was always there on my blogroll dude. You never noticed it!
The papers were fine. The results came out yesterday. I passed, got 74%.
I wont say I’m late to comment on this cuz this feeling will keep coming in life….first education then marriage then kids…parental pressure and expectations are ghar ghar ki kahani. But never be so depressed to think about really illogical things. Its just the easy way out. But there’s so much to see & experience in the world..after all ur only 18. Follow ur heart in whatever choice u have to make but once in it; give everything ur best shot…the best effort n hardwork….so that u never look back n think or ur parents think he could have done better. Once u do that everything will fall in place. I have seen so many average students achieve so much out of sheer hardwork. And of course the growing up pains of teenage n post teenage will go away with time. And never shut urself out from the world in depression….talk it out with parents, siblings, friends…
All the best for future!
@Reema: Yes, you are right about everything. If I take something up, and show everyone that I’m good at it, nobody will be able to say anything. And that’s what I’m trying to do.
That post was so full of sadness Ish. It brought back all those years when I was growing up and facing problems of identity!
Ish, I have known a person who used to stand first in every single class - He was unconquerable and yet his mom would be after his life. Coz no matter what you do, no matter how proud your parents really are… they will never show because they fear you may become complacent and they want to make you keep doing good. I know its unfair and there is no end to it… but yeah, we have to carry the humongous burden of expectations that is laden on our shoulders…
Those who chose not to do it are labelled outcasts and rebels…
Choose your own way Ish. Never let the faith die. It is the only thing that will help you survive the storm!
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