My friends always have always had this complaint against me that I don’t keep in touch. I know they’re right but still I don’t bother doing anything much about it. But when they start drifting away, I start wondering why this is happening. I start thinking what went wrong when we were going so strong. Though I know it is mostly my fault, I refuse to accept it and put the blame on the situation. I made a friend many years back, we will call him S. S was one of my best friends and we were inseparable. I thought I had finally found somebody who appreciated how I feel and was really deep and philosophical. And funny too. We must have been best friends for over 2 years and then another S came along. We will call this person R. Now R became a really good friend too and somewhere down the line, I didn’t realize but I had started ignoring S. S sometimes tried to make me feel I was doing wrong but I never realized. Then after another year, S and R became very good friends and they both started ignoring me. That’s when I got stuck. Now I had two former best friends who knew almost everything about me. They ganged up against me and with some help from the other classmates, they teased me about my height, my appearance and a girl who had the same name as I did. They told everybody that I was in love with that girl and the entire thing got so overblown that almost every guy in every class knew about it. Wherever I’d go, they’d tease me. And everybody would be happy to do that because they were somewhat jealous of me. I was extremely good at academics, public speaking and hence my teachers used to like me. Then teenage came and I started changing. I wasn’t brilliant anymore. My performance was deteriorating but the teasing never stopped. It got intensified and it made them feel better because they thought that it had started having it’s toll on me. The teachers didn’t like me a lot anymore and somewhere in my 8th grade, I wrote a poem about one of the teachers I hated and that got caught. This forced me to maintain a low profile in my next two years at school because I didn’t want to embarrass my parents anymore. Then one day R’s dad got transferred and he went to another city. S changed schools and we didn’t meet often.We would meet only at birthday parties of common friends where he’d get on the assault immediately and wouldn’t think once before humiliating me in front of anybody who was willing to listen. This year, I joined the same Physics tuition and now we meet everyday. He doesn’t tease me a lot anymore. The other day he asked me why I didn’t study. I get on the defensive when anybody asks me this and told him to stop caring about my life. That seems to have hurt him and I can understand it because I was rather rude. We didn’t talk for a couple of days and he made it a point to show me the middle finger every day. Then he somehow caught me online on Google Talk and we patched up. But he went ahead and asked me why I was making my parents sad. He said that if they don’t show it to me that they’re sad doesn’t mean they’re not sad. I told him that it’s not like that and they show me very well that they’re sad by emotionally blackmailing and lecturing me. That entire chat session made me feel very bad about myself and I’ve been ashamed of myself ever since. Yes, I am making my parents sad but why is nobody able to see that I’m not very happy myself. Why didn’t anybody ever try to reason out with me and ask me why I was becoming an introvert. They just teased me and made me go into my shell even deeper. And now all they see is that I’m making my parents sad.
Sometimes I feel that I really am a bad kid and my parents were really unfortunate to have had me. I don’t really talk about family feuds but I’ve been wondering about this one for days. My mother’s brother is someone who has never cared for his parents. He has always wanted the money and the palatial house. His parents provided him with everything and yet he never thought twice before filing a case against them or threatening them. He wasn’t much concerned when my maternal grandfather i.e. his father died. I for one never saw him crying. I thought he’d change after his father’s death and care about his lonely mother but he never did. He’s made her life an even worse place to live in and is still fighting so that he can have the house. I have now started associating myself with him. When I make my parents sad, am I not being the same as him? Am I not doing the same things that the person I love to hate did with his parents? Will I be the reason my parents will be ashamed to tell the people that they had a son? But I never asked for this, I never did. I don’t hate them, it’s just that I don’t like the way they reason out things with me and judge me only according to my mark sheets. But nobody would be able to see that, they’ll always feel that I was another uncaring and ungrateful son and my parents were an unfortunate lot to have had me. Why is everything so complicated?
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27 Comments
All these things happen when you are 18-19. I felt the same way when I was of your age- that no one understands me, all friends blame me for everything etc. It’s all a part of growing up. You will treasure these years a couple of years down the line, believe me
Don’t think that you are a bad son or a bad friend. You have many other talents that you should be proud of. Only if I were as smart as you in 11th-12th.
Hey you are not at all a bad kid..certainly not comparable to your Mama..the way you maybe making your sad is that you are not doing enough for yourself to have a assured future. But you are not being malicious to them like your mama..so no comparisons there.
Another thing Ish, you are talented…the problem with most talented people is that they know what they dont want in their life..but not what exactly they want in their life…this is what you need to address..you need to decide for yourself what you want to do with your life. In your case, nothing is lost yet..you still have time…so go for it. Your parents will be happy if you are happy.
I don’t think you should be thinking that way to be honest. Your parents love you and everyone makes mistakes. There is a ddifference to maliciously doing something to the family and doing something that can’t be changed.
I think all of the above comments might have you on the right track.
As for me, I think you really need to search inside yourself and think what you really WANT to do. Focus. I’m sure that when you find yourself a goal to seek, your academic performance will increase. Talented people require a challenge, thats what you need. 
its just the phase ish..trust me..you are not ur uncle so don’t even go close to associating yourself with him..we all go through this..its just in different ways..your definitely not alone…
its not just a confession u are making on paper but also to urself. and by doing this u have understood urself in ways no one will every get close to trying. its a part of life. extroverst become introverts and the other way round.
plz dont compare urself with someone who has a negative character, u care for ur parents, and so do they. its tough for parents to express their love, and we take everything for granted. as for grades, they will improve from now i think:)
have faith in yourself buddy, the rest will follow.
see ya:)
hey u have been tagged..
@Ruhi: I don’t really know. On what basis are you calling me smart Ruhi? Every damn kid is smart these days. I don’t think I’m an exception.
@Poonam: Yea, you got me. I don’t know if I’m talented or not but I certainly don’t have much of a clue about what I want to be in future. Basically I’ve been wanting to be a website designer but right now I’m studying the kind of physics, chemistry and mathematics that won’t get me anywhere in that field. But my parents feel that I’ll need a professional degree so I have to go for software engineering and hence I have to study physics, chemistry and math. Now a normal kid would understand all this but I don’t. That’s what my parents say. They say I know everything but still I refuse to do what’s logical.
@Cat: So you’re saying that what I’m doing can’t be changed? People don’t understand that Cat, I have relatives coming and telling me that what I’m doing is wrong.
@Ash: Dude, even if I do find a goal for myself and tell my parents, they will not be happy with it. And when I’ll not be able to study what my goal is, how can I expect my academic performance to improve? My parents expect a lot more from me than I can deliver.
@Lemonade: Thank you, it helps to know that I’m not alone. But I’m still abnormal.
@Shuz: I don’t know really. You say I’ve understood myself but I don’t think so. I think I’ve never understood myself and nobody else has either. I don’t know.
Are you doing it because of the sake of pissing someone off / hurting them? No, so that makes you different.
Obviously I can’t comment as much on it. There seems to be a much more family oriented culture in other cultures, for example yours.
@Ish, Ohh…so you want compliments now?
I think you have great people’s skills. You are so sweet online…it’s very difficult to believe that you put off your friends and family. May be you just imagine it?
I know how it feels. My father is not speaking to me as often now and even got angry for the first time with me this morning all because of the degree I’ve chosen to do next year. I’ve given up trying to please them because I’ve discovered a) it gets me no where because I make things worse and b) at the end of the day it’s my life. You’re not like your mother’s brother, he sounds like he doesn’t have a conscience whilst you DO! Don’t get yourself down because of that. Focus on what you are good at like computers! Maybe start doing some IT classes and prove to your parents that you are good with computers and that you’re not an idiot! Because you are not and we all believe in you. And right, I’m tired hence the giant ramble and I’m going to go to bed so good night!
i don’t know how to offer advice to your dilemma, but i can say i have an idea how you feel because at the moment i have issues with people too.
i don’t like to sweep things under the carpet, but laying things out in the open can be so difficult that it’s just easier to sweep them under! so most of my issues with people are best left under the carpet, i feel…
@Ish: This post had ur soul in it.. It touched me so much, I almost choked…
Now, I want you to understand a few things and understand them well:
1. People, for one, can NOT be replaced in our lives… I know this is a lesson that you have learnt now and I am truly sorry to hear that you had to learn it the hard way. I know, for sure, that if u were to go back in time, u would not do this.
2. Agreed u did a mistake, but the kind of punishment u got for it, was uncalled for. S and R went a little overboard, though i can see that S really cares for you…
3. MARKS are NOT everything… In fact, I used to hear this all the while that success in life doensnt depend on the kind of marks u get… In fact, sometimes the ratio is inversely proportional. But, sadly, people tend to associate our intelligence to our marks (specially parents) coz they have no other means of judging how intelligent a person is… I know a guy who used to fail in maths while in school with me in India, but went on to attend Mathematical conferences all over the US and is currently THE highest earner of our batch! All the same, we can not deny, that in the unfair world that we live in, people (your colleagues, your interviewers, etc) will judge u by the college u have graduated from, which in turn depends on the kind of “marks” u get… so, sadly, its important to get marks… But, yet again! Try and get marks, not because u have to, but because u have a point to prove!
4. U r not malicious Ish… Please dont do this to yourself.. you are a great guy who loves his parents a lot.. and I dont know u much, but I can still vouch for the fact that you will NEVER leave them alone to suffer or die.. NEVER! And dont compare urself to your mama… U doing gross injustice to yourself
Ish, so after all the “lecture” now.. (gosh! cant believe i wrote such a big comment, but ur post is to be blamed for it
), Its time for u to go deep within and figure out what is it that truly gives u happiness.. Most ppl are successful coz they love what they do… So, figure that out first and trust me, once u do, ur parents will be on ur side throughout!! 
@Cat: Well no, I’m not exactly doing it to hurt anybody. And I’m not doing it intentionally anyway.
@Ruhi: LOL, no I wasn’t exactly asking for compliments. And I’m only sweet online. What’s the logic of being sweet when you can’t even say something to somebody you’ve been wanting to for like years.
@Sha: In order to start IT classes, I’d need time and that would mean I’d have to sacrifice mainstream education and a degree altogether. My parents won’t let me do that.
@Sulz: What do you mean by keeping issues under the carpet exactly? That means you continue being nice to people when they are being bad to you?
@Nova: Aw, thanks for the long comment, it really helped! Now let me give a long reply too.
You’re right, people cannot be replaced in life. I did make a mistake once and was made to pay heavily for it. I don’t know if S really cares for me or if he just pretends he does. I like him and it’s not that I have a huge grudge against him but quite frankly, he left scars on my life which I shall never forget. But I’ve forgiven him for that because it was my mistake which had made him do that. I just can’t take people telling me that I’m making my parents sad. It’s funny that even S, who never sees how my parents behave with me can see that they’re sad and he can’t see that I’m sad when I’m in front of him. Sometimes you just want comforting words from friends but when it doesn’t come, you act weirdly and that’s what I did. Unfortunately, he doesn’t understand.
A lot many people say that marks aren’t everything but it seems that in a student’s life, they are. People look at you according to your marks. If you don’t get the marks, they make an opinion about you that you’re a jerk who knows nothing when actually this jerk could know much more than they do. And parents too compare you with others. It hurts a lot when your mum comes and says that she wishes she had so and so person as a child instead of you just because you don’t get the marks.
I am trying to find what I want from my life and all the things I’ve found require me to do unconventional things. I guess I’m just going to stop thinking for a year and two and do chemistry and maths and once I’ve taken up softwares in some institute, it should be fine. That’s the plan right now.
Thanks for the long comment again, it wasn’t a lecture. Made me feel a lot better!
ish!
thing about friendship is, people evolve over time. although i treasure the loyalty of some of my older friends and treasure them in my life, i do share stuff with my newer friends the way i don’t with them. it’s bcos when i was younger i wasn’t much into things that i am now and now that i am into stuff that my older friends aren’t, it’s hard to share.
and any guy who wonders if he is bad canNOT be bad. bad guys (or girls for that matter) don’t think stuff like that. period.
you are growing up. that’s all. some people have more growing-up problems, than others. well, so be it! maybe you can write a nobel-winning novel out of your sad teenage life some day! and when you do, can i have an autographer copy? will you remember me that long?
i meant autographed copy…sheesh, why doesn’t opera have a “stop” in the right-hand menu?
i am an awful keyboard user!
Hey Ish: I am glad it helped cheer u up… But, trust me, all that was not told just to make u feel better… It was a fact! U r a good guy
Dude, I didn’t mean that you should set a goal and tell your parents. It’s like a personal mission for yourself. Good for motivation when you’re down.. works for me. And everyone else has given good tips too.
Oh and btw, what happened to that Pownce invite I sent you ages ago? Did you receive it?
means i rather avoid the issue i’m having than to confront them about it… in a way yeah pretend to like them some of the time!
Ah sorry…forgot about that.
hey…just relax man..
you are normal…
everybody is like that at some part of their age..
and everybody gets it over soon..
@Sanjida: If I ever write a novel about my teenage experiences, you’re gonna be the first person I’ll mail it too. And yep, it will be autographed with the best pen I can find!
@Nova: Thanks, I’m a good guy. That feels good!
@Ash: The Pownce invite is lying in my inbox. I still have to register lol.
@Arvind: Thanks man, I hope I get over it soon too.
Hey Ish, i’m actually suprised that missed out on this blog of urs..
U knw what Ish? Each of us go thru very similar kinds of situations in teenage and post teens…
After reading your blogs, i feel your extremely sensible & a very intelligent kid! seriously.. i nvr even knw what bloggin was when i was say 18-19! And moreover, u say ur good at acads too. at this age, ur parents will hardly have any expectations from u except for ur acads performance…
After some stage Ish, wat matters in ur personality… no one is really looks fr a topper!If ur a topper, its good, u have an added advantage, but otherwise personality is wat matters mroe than marks! As NEha righly pointed out, marks are not everything in life!
In fact, every time i didnt perform well in my exams, i always thought, i’ll defntly do much betterin my exam.. next exam ke waqt, phir wohi problem!! so, in short, chalta hai!!
this frndshp thing that u had mentioned in the beginning about unknowingly ignoring one frnd when u found another frnd, happns!it happnd to me.. but i got back to “S”…
Vaishno,
I used to feel that I was the only one having these issues. But now I know that every person faces them and I must too. It’s just sometimes that I break and am not in the right state of mind. I think it’s ok to crack open sometimes. One shouldn’t always pile things up inside.
Also, I’m not out of the ordinary. I don’t know why all of you tell me that. When you were 18 or 19, the internet and blogging weren’t very popular and that’s why you weren’t aware about it. I’m sure if you were 18 right now, you wouldn’t say that I’m intelligent. Every 18 year old can blog these days. And I WAS good at academics. I’m really bad at it now and that’s the entire reason of discontent. If only I had remained a studious kid, my parents would have adored me. But I grew up way too fast and they couldn’t understand it.
I’m glad you think what matters is personality and that marks aren’t everything. And I love you for saying “Chalta Hai!”. It makes me feel really good you know.
I have gotten back with S also but I don’t think the relation between us can be the same as it could have been if I had not ignored him and if he had not teased me.
have u analysed why u stopped studying?? ur story is so similar to mine….I was topper tillclass 8th…then got distracted from studies from class 9…but kabhi fail hone ki naubat nahi aayi…studied hard in class 10 n got 84% in CBSE Board …again slacked in class 11 n managed to get 70% in Class 12 [btw i had Bio Maths in class 12..what did u have?] ..Pursued engineering …Right now happy in job n career.
P.S. forgot to tell u ..added u to my blogroll
Yes, I analyzed why I stopped studying. Mostly it was because my mother left it to me to study and it didn’t interest me. Earlier I used to do it because I used to fear her. I got 83% in 10th and 74% in Class 12. I had Physics, Chemistry and Maths. I was supposed to do engineering but then gave it up because the maths wasn’t my cup of tea. Now doing a BCA.