Mythology and Himesh.

The previous post was a pretty depressing one. But that’s okay, that happens at times and you can’t blame me for it. After all, I’m just a regular titsy-bitsy human being in the end. Just as an aside, Firefox’s spell checker gives really amazing suggestions. It says that I should’ve written ‘tits’ in place of titsy and ‘bitchy’ in place of bitsy. Yep, right. So, I’m just a regular tits-bitchy human being in the end..whatever that’s supposed to mean. Things are fine at home now, I wished my mommy a Happy Momma’s Day, typical Rosesh style and we’re back on talking terms. But as far as I think, it’s just the silence (Perverted male brains: Don’t go around deriving Silence = Shanti = Deepika Padukone alright? I’m talking serious stuff here) before Cyclone CBSE Board Exam Results scheduled to come out any time after the 20th of May. So if I mysteriously vanish from the face of the earth during those days, you know what happened. Oh, and thanks to all the wonderful people who posted all those wonderful comments on the previous post. Gotta love you all.

Now about the ants. Yep, them small black food grabbing six legged monsters. I finally got rid of them. Domex didn’t kill them. Haldi didn’t do the job either. Even DDT failed after the initial success. Finally, I had to look up to Bhagwaan Laxman to do the job. And has he done a good job or what? This incident has cemented my faith in mythology. It’s the best thing around really. Laxman Rekha kills ants like nothing else can. I can’t explain how sadistically I enjoyed seeing the ants die yesterday. I took the Laxman Rekha chalk thingy and drew a nice painting with it wherever the ants were emerging from. And some hours later, several bodies were visible. I observed one brutal murder from up close. The ant got attracted to the Laxman Rekha, ate it, got tortured and shriveled up as if someone had put the Cruciatus curse on it and finally succumbed to the pain. And I enjoyed the entire thing..and people think that Lord Voldy is evil. And that’s not all, mythology even helps you win shitloads of money in shows like Kaun Banega Crorepati and Kya Aap Paanchvi Pass se Tez Hain? Siddhartha Basu absolutely adores mythology. He’s the one behind the shows if you didn’t know. And hey, how can you forget the entertainment factor? I used to particularly enjoy Ramayan on Sundays when I was younger. So, boys and girls, moral of the story is that keep your mythology skills brushed up or else you’ll have to go around saying “My name is XYZ, I have a PQR degree but sadly, I’m not faster than a fifth grader”. That’s embarrassing for you.

Also in other news, I saw the PQR sponsored XYZ Annual Filmfare awards yesterday. Yep, the ones which had the SRK-Saif making fun of everybody around act. It was hilarious to say the least. These guys have guts alright. But there’s one person who has more guts than even these guys. He’s the one, the only - the topibaaz, the naakbaaz, the baba, the mahababa - Himes Baba! Yep, people also call him Himesh Reshammiya/HR sometimes. I wonder how this guy carries on even after all the hostility he faces. He performed at the previously mentioned awards. He was introduced..or let me say, humiliated by SRK and Saif first. And when he was singing, you should’ve seen the expression of the crowd. Shreya Ghoshal was like, “OMG, how am I gonna show my face around..how will I tell my friends that we have such lame guys in the industry too?”. Others were simply going, “LOL, couldn’t they find anyone else to perform? They could’ve brought one of those reality show kids instead of him.”. And some really simple plainfolk went, “WTF, nobody told us he was gonna perform. We would never have come!”. And still, despite all the shit he faces, Himes carries on, and carries on in style. He composes, he sings, he even acts. And some say he’s building a six pack now. Even though I’m not a fan of you Himes, but just for your guts, I’ve got to give it to you. Three cheers for Himes..Hip Hip Hurray!..oops, I mean ooOOooooOOOOoooOOOOooooOOOOOoooooOOOOOooooOOOOooooOOOOoOOOooooO! But wait wait, before I end this, WTF did you do to Hansika Motwani man? No really, WTF did you do?!

Also, for all the bored people, watch this show called Comedy Circus on Sony Entertainment Television every Saturday at 10:00 PM. It’s kinna funny. Watch it for Chitrashi Rawat a.k.a. Komal Chautala from Chak De! India if nothing else. She’s sort of hot. And she’s short too. Maybe I should hit on her. But wait, I’m already hitting on Ellen Page of Juno/X-Men 3 fame. I can’t even decide. It’s so darn tough being a guy, you know.

And and and, for those who watch MTV, don’t you just love the new MTV Tickr thingy? In one word, it’s fucking fabulous. Wait, that’s two words. Ah no, that’s one word and one cuss word. So it works right?

And and and and, ugh forget it. I don’t have anything to say and I don’t know how to end posts. Yep, go ahead, bite me. :/

P.S. - I blew up my entire sidebar during changing themes. So I’ll have to redo my blogroll from scratch. It’s obvious that I might not be able to remember everybody so when you’re leaving a comment, and if you were on my blogroll, please mention it. Thank You.

The burst bubble.

Everyone believes in themselves. They always feel that there’s something about them and that they’re not ordinary. But then, one day, that bubble bursts and everything begins to crumble. That is when you start having serious doubts about yourself. That is when you sit on the bathroom floor and cry your heart out, as they show in the movies. That is when listening to the song Maa from Taare Zameen Par makes you wanna cry, not because you’ve never said some things to your mother, but because it seems that she never really understood you. That is when your mother comes to you and confesses that she’s ashamed of calling you her child. And that she thinks that you’ve destroyed whatever reputation she’s made amongst her colleagues in 20 years. She wishes she could really trade you for someone else. That is when you sit in your room and stare at your Allout mosquito killer and wonder why the light on it keeps vibrating in a weird way. That is when you wonder why your guitar, which your dad had taken in the morning, hasn’t come back. That is when you share your sadness with the smiling Ellen Page on your desktop hoping that somehow she would say something to comfort you. But she doesn’t. She just stays there and smiles away. That is when everybody tells you to study so that your mother doesn’t get sick because she’s way too worried for you. That is when your dad, who’s always believed in you, starts showing signs of disappointment and anger. That is when killing yourself doesn’t sound too illogical. That is when you wonder when you’ll read and comment on those 40+ unread posts lying in your feed reader. That is when you start believing that ‘Everyone is special in their own way’ is a line that was created by the special people to make the not so special people feel even worse. That is when you realize that a rank in a university exam not only determines your future salary, but also what your parents think of you. That is when you wonder why people keep saying that ‘Money is not everything’. Of course it is, because if it wasn’t, why would everyone stop talking to you and start cursing you if you don’t get a good rank? That is when you realize how very alone you really are. That is when you stop trying get rid of the ants on your table and let them crawl over you, hoping that they’ll bite you and everything will be over. And that is when you write sad and sentimental blog posts like these hoping that somehow things would get better, but also knowing deep in your heart, that they won’t.

Anyway, Priya tagged me and I quote her quoting someone else - Where Words Fail, Music Speaks. According to the tag, I have to -

“Think of THE song that most inspires you to write, whether it gives you an idea for a story, script or just puts you into a better frame of mind AND/OR peek into the lyrics and find a verse that sums up the theme of whatever project it is you’re working on.

If possible, post a video of the song to convey to readers the full context of the song and the mood it puts you into. Finally, send the assignment to five other writers to do as well.”

Well, there are many songs that make me happy but since I’m not really happy right now, I’ll only quote two. And yep Priya, you were right. This is gonna be full of Coldplay and Green Day.

• GREENDAY - Good Riddance (Time of Your Life) :- Green Day is basically punk rock. So when you listen to Green Day, you expect some nice beats and electric guitars and stuff like that. But Time of Your Life is a totally different song. It surprises me how that bloke called Billie Joe Armstrong just comes in with his acoustic guitar and sings the song all by himself. The lyrics are the best ever. It’s impossible for me to select one single paragraph or one single line. The song is brilliant as a whole. And the line, “It’s something unpredictable but in the end it’s right, I hope you had the time of your life” is one of my most used lines. I keep saying this to everybody. Too bad YouTube doesn’t have the actual video of this song. Actually, it does have the original video so it was my mistake. Sorry YouTube. Thank you Naomi.

• Coldplay - Fix You :- Fix You is an amazing song for a number of reasons. One of them is the lyrics. Another one is that it’s a four part harmony. All in all, it always manages to bring a smile upon my face. And the funny thing it isn’t exactly a happy song. It’s a sad but hopeful song. I like it because it makes me feel that yeah, the lights will guide me home. And someone will come to fix me. And then it’ll all be fine. You know what I mean?

And now, I have to tag five people. Lemme see. I tag the people who will post the 3rd, 8th, 11th, 13th and 17th comment. If you don’t wanna do it, it’s fine because it’s no compulsion. If someone else also wants to do it, go ahead, be my guest.

Ants in my Pants. Hmph.

Don’t you just hate them wall/table climbing food seeking ants? I do. They’ve completely taken over my computer table and I’ve been throwing them onto the floor ever since morning. I’m pretty sure they’re gonna take their revenge on me in the night. After all, I can’t really stop them from climbing my bed, can I? So there’s a bright chance that by the morning I’ll be sporting hundred something ant bites on my body. And that doesn’t sound exciting. Nope.

Anyway, the AIEEE exam was okay-ish. Most academies have solved the paper and have put the answer keys on their websites but I’m not gonna check them simply because I like surprises. I like living in fear. Okay, who am I kidding? I know all my answers would be wrong if I go around checking the keys so I don’t wanna do it just to let the pseudo-happy mood persist. Meanwhile, I’m wondering why there wasn’t even one good looking chick in the entire AIEEE giving lot. It’s Chandigarh for one, it’s supposed to be famous for hot chicks. I didn’t even see one. My room was particularly infested with boys - right from the very nerdy to the totally uninterested. So I had gone there with the following song in my mind - “Duniya haseeno ka mela, haseeno mein yeh dil akela” and ended up with the following version - “Duniya ladkon se bhara jhamela, jhamele mein yeh dil akela sadela pakela thakela jalela and all that.” One of the guys finished the paper in half an hour. That was even faster than me! I thought I’d finish mine in an hour but I did end up taking all the three hours. I was pleasantly surprised at that feat.

Also, I watched Tashan. Nidhi liked it. Amit didn’t. I haven’t decided yet. Saif was good. I really liked that step of his in the song “Dil Haara Re” Kareena was good only in the Bikini scene. In all the other scenes, she was looking like a shriveled up mango. And she’s far too classy to wear the kinda dresses she’s worn in the movie. I really liked one music note in the song “Challiya“. Rest of it I thought was crap. Akshay Kumar was okay. He’s funny and athletic agreed but he should seriously shave. Okay he’s playing a gangster but man still, please shave. His entire Ravana act was pretty cool though. And that scene where he proposes to Kareena. Anil Kapoor was bad. No other words, he was genuinely bad. Bad dialogues, pathetic english-hindi mash up. I didn’t understand half of his dialogues and his presence was very annoying. The story though wasn’t bad. At the end of the day, it doesn’t live up to all the hype it created. And I don’t think it deserves to have Rs. 120 spent on it. Watch it if you don’t have anything better to do and if you can get the tickets in anything less than Rs. 75.

Meanwhile, Shah Rukh Khan called me up the other day and asked me the same thing he’s been asking everybody on every Friday, Saturday and Sunday. Yep, you guessed it right. He asked me, “Kya Aap Paanchvi Pass se Tez Hain?“

My reply was, “Nope. Not exactly. But I’m the fastest at doing tags. Does that count eh? And hey, I’ve got proof cause it’s not me who’s saying it. It’s Neha who’s saying that and with that, she’s tagged me to do this thing.”

Shah Rukh’s reply was, “Yea right. I hardly care right now dude. My team is getting it’s ass kicked by the Mumbai Indians. I guess banning Harbhajan was what they needed. It’s 97 for 7 right now. Damn, I’m doomed. I guess it’s the Ashish curse “.

To that, my reply was, ” True that, your team is having bad days. Two losses in a row and then McCullum and Ponting gone. Maybe you should give up IPL and start reading my blog full time. And yep, you can also cheer for me if you want. But please, Karan Johar is not allowed. Gedit? “

Aiight, enough baseless rambling. I should just get on with the tag:-

1. Last movie you saw in a theater?
Tashan. Need I say more? I’ve already said a lot haven’t I?

2. What book are you reading?
Okay, this is gonna sound like a rip off but even I’m reading A Thousand Splendid Suns by Khaled Hosseini.

3. Favorite board game?
Snakes and Ladders. Yep, I’m not your bright Scrabble/Chess playing kid.

4. Favorite magazine?
Iono. I don’t read many. Stardust maybe. I love their Cat’s Crown thingy. ‘From one Cat to the other, Meeow till next month’.

5. Favorite smells?
Too many actually. You know I’m a Dog right? I smell way too many things and have way too small a brain to remember my favorites out of them all.

6. Favorite sounds?
Umm hmm, maybe the sound of Billie Joe Armstrong shouting his lungs out?

7. Worst feeling in the world?
Being a failure. Oh yea, that feels pretty bad.

8. What is the first thing you think of when you wake up?
Darn, another day. Bekaar. Bakwaas. Thu.

9. Favorite fast food place?
KFC for the win!

10. Future child’s name?
If it’s a boy, I’ma name him Jung Fateh. And if it’s a girl, I’ma name her Mariam. But of course, nobody’s gonna let me name them that.

11. Finish this statement. “If I had lot of money I’d….?
buy an IPL team. That’s the most in thing these days ain’t it?

12. Do you sleep with a stuffed animal?
Nay.

13. Storms - cool or scary?
Cool, very cool.

14. Favorite drink?
Coke. You don’t need to ask “favorite candy” now. You know it’s Mentos.

15. Finish this statement, “If I had the time I would….”?
learn to play the Guitar.

16. Do you eat the stems on broccoli?
Broccoli? What? Is that green? I don’t eat green vegetables.

17. If you could dye your hair any color, what would be your choice?
Green. Or maybe red.

18. Name all the different cities/towns you’ve lived in?
I’ve lived in just one city all my life. And since almost everybody knows it, I’m not gonna mention it here.

19. Favorite sports to watch?
Tennis, Soccer and Cricket. Though I genuinely thing Cricket is being over done nowadays. It’s become more of a reality show.

20. One nice thing about the person who sent this to you?
She thought I was gonna be the first one to do this. That’s nice.

21. What’s under your bed?
Right now, ants. Lots of them waiting for the lights to be turned off so that they can creep up and bite me. They don’t know I’ve drunk poison. Heh.

22. Would you like to be born as yourself again?
I don’t know really. But yea, I probably wouldn’t mind.

23. Morning person, or night owl?
These days I’m none. I’ve never been a morning person. Have been a night owl but now I’m none. I dunno why I’m always tired these days without even doing anything.

24. Over easy, or sunny side up?
I don’t like the sun. So over easy.

25. Favorite place to relax?
In my [imaginary] girlfriend’s [imaginary] arms. Heh, it doesn’t get cheesier than that.

26. Favorite pie?
My favorite pie..umm..oh yea it’s JJ Thompson’s Apple pie model of an atom!

27. Favorite ice cream flavor?
Vanilla. Yep, I’m simple like that.

28. Of all the people you tagged this to, who’s most likely to respond first?
I’m not tagging anyone because everyone’s been tagged already. So whoever does this the first, gets to have his/her name here.

***

P.S. - I wrote this post yesterday but wasn’t able to publish it. The Kolkata Knight Riders did end up losing and the Mumbai Indians won their first match. Maybe Bhajji was the kaala in the daal? What do you think?

Drenched in childhood memories.

So the crash course officially ended today. At times it was good, at times it was okay and at times it was plain old boring. But it had it’s moments. Here are some things I might remember from it for the times to come:-

• The hot chick who almost crashed into me.

• The cute chick who wasn’t exactly hot but was err..cute. You know what I mean, right? Anyway, I haven’t talked about her here so nevermind.

• The pranks on the Maths teacher. The kids asked him to switch on the exhaust fan one day and as soon as he touched the button, someone screamed and the Maths guy jumped where he was standing. He thought he had gotten an electric shock. His expression was priceless. Nope, it wasn’t like Katrina Kaif’s expressions. Wait a minute, does Katrina Kaif have expressions? Naa!

• The translating English songs into Hindi during the boring Physics classes. Me and my friend successfully translated Boulevard of Broken Dreams from Greenday to ‘Toote Sapno ka Chauraaha’ by Hara Din. So if you listen to it ten years down the line, you’ll know it’s a rip off. I would have posted it here but the thing is that my friend wants to put it on his Orkut account so I decided not to double post it. I will make the text file available some day though, it still needs some finishing touches.

• The imagining the Physics, Chemistry and Maths teachers as members of the band Greenday. Now you know I’m obsessed with Greenday. The maths teacher was my Billie Joe Armstrong, the Physics teacher was my Mike Dirnt and the Chemistry teacher was my Tre Cool. But then one fine day the Maths teacher got a haircut and ruined it all. His hair was the reason I had made him Billie. And without Billie, there is no Greenday. *sob*

***

Some girls are funny. Some wet girls are funnier. And then there are girls like Drenched, who are 10,000 million times funnier than any wet girl you’ve ever met. And she thinks she’s having a writer’s block. So she tagged me to write some things about my childhood and here I am, trying to remember ‘em. By the way, did you notice how amazingly I framed the title of this post? You’ve got to give it to me, you seriously have to. And I know I’m bragging way too much. And I don’t care..

Everyone’s so full of shit
Born and raised by hypocrites
Hearts recycled but never saved
From the cradle to the grave

We are the kids of war and peace
From Anaheim to the Middle East
We are the stories and disciples of
The Jesus of Suburbia

Land of make believe
And it don’t believe in me
Land of make believe
I don’t believe in me

I don’t care
I don’t care
I don’t care
I don’t care
I DON’T CARE!

Wow, my randomness surprises me at times. Back to the childhood:-

• I remember this one incident when I tied a string to my He-Man tiger Battlecat and tied the other end of the string to my bed. Then I hung all sorts of action figures from the string. And finally I took a photograph of it. I think I still have that photograph, but I lost the tiger and all the action figures.

• I distinctly remember my nursery school headmaster. I was really shy back then and she made me the reasonably conversable person that I am today. I remember her coming to our house once and me showing off my toys.

• I remember my bench partner from Class 2 or 3. She was brilliant and I was lousy. I was shy and she was a menace. I remember her torturing me by stealing my sharpener. And I used to keep cribbing about it. Some guy I was. She was in my class for 5 or 6 more years after that but we never really talked after that year. Our school never encouraged boys and girls talking to each other. When I entered 12^th standard, again she was in my class. We weren’t partners but everything else was the same. She was still brilliant and I was still lousy.

• I remember being slapped for no reason once. I had, for the first time in my life, taken part in a dance during the annual function of my school. And I was made partners with this girl who really hated me for some reason. One day they had made a chalk line in front of us and had asked not to step on it. The girl deliberately stepped on it and when the teacher asked who had done it, she pointed towards me. And thwack! Some slap that was.

• Then after some years I participated in another dance and I had a friend who was also participating. We had to wear a dhoti for the dance and they said that we should tie the dhoti from home and then wear pants and then remove the pants at the time of the performance. And this friend of mine came without wearing an underwear. So when the teacher told us to take off the pants, this guy went ahead too and the teacher was like OMGWTF! And everyone else in the class was like ROFLMAO. Finally they had to let him perform with the jeans on. Guess nobody told him that The Underwear Goes Inside the Pants. Has anyone else heard that song too?

• I remember being extremely scared of mathematical tables. Whenever I would be asked to recite them, I’d get an instant stomach ache. The same thing would happen during the exams. I used to be real anxious about my performance back then. It seems funny now. I used to be scared back then when I knew everything and these days, even though I don’t know anything, I’m more confident than the topper of the class.

• I remember cribbing over TV channels with my cousin brother. He was in his wrestling watching age and I was in my cartoon watching age. And I always used to win because I was younger. And when my cousin’s mum would go out, he used to try them stunts on me. I can’t even remember how many Chokeslams he’s given me. But I love him.

• I remember being awed by my Nanaji. There was something about him..there was just this aura around him. He used to be very strict and very impatient but at the same time he used to love me. He was the strongest human being I’ve ever known in my life. Despite having so many health problems, he never really looked weak and had this amazing willpower to come out of anything. That’s why I still can’t believe that he’s dead.

• I remember my Nanima buying chipps for me whenever I’d visit her place. It used to be a lot of fun there because I was pampered to no end. She still pampers me. I also remember my Dadima making all those delicacies exclusively for me. I’d only have to utter the word and they would be there in front of me. She’s the one who sits and listens to what I’ve got to say when I’m sad. Even though she believes in God and I don’t, her God related stories do manage to soothe me down. I can’t imagine living without her.

• I remember my mom as always being concerned about my performance and my dad always being busy with his work. I know my mom and dad love me but somehow I don’t really remember any particular instance of it. I remember my mum waking up nights with me and making me write all the spellings until they were perfect. I also remember my dad forgetting which class I was in.

***

That’s about it for now then. And I will not exactly be available tomorrow and day after because I have to go to Chandigarh for my AIEEE examination. The PFHOI contest will be updated either late Sunday or early Monday.

Teh Newness and teh Freshness!

If you’re not a first time visitor, you’ll notice that a lot of things in here have changed. I had been using the same old Simpla theme (which I dearly loved, I must add), for almost a year now. And a couple of days back, everything changed.

A couple of days back, The Ruhi gifted me 15 WordPress credits so that I could buy the custom CSS upgrade. If you’ve never used WordPress.com and are wondering what I’m going on about, don’t worry, I’ll explain. WordPress.com doesn’t allow it’s users to edit the look and style of their themes unless you buy the CSS upgrade which costs $15 per year. So I didn’t have that and The Ruhi decided to gift it to me. And I don’t have any words to thank her. The Ruhi, you know you’re teh shit right? You really are!

So guys and girls, go and pay The Ruhi a visit. And read her posts. And leave comments. Who knows she might start liking you and gift you a custom CSS upgrade too right? And even if you don’t need a custom CSS upgrade, you can buy many other things with $15. Just think! It’s all worth it, I tell ya. I’m pretty sure you’re gonna be flooded with comments and lurve now, The Ruhi.

A little about this current theme now. It is called SandPress and is the winner of the Sandbox Designs Competition. It has been designed by Arpit Jacobs. The theme was basically written for WordPress.org but I managed to make it work with WordPress.com with some six hours of rigorous CSS-editing. If you’re not getting what I mean, ignore it. It’s just my technical bullshit that I like to do once in a while. So then, do you like the new look? Have any suggestions? They’re most welcome. If you want to use this theme with WordPress.com or Blogger, leave me a comment. I’ll try to help you do it.

Also, on Ash’s request, the emoticons are back!

But the newness doesn’t end here. If you look at the sidebar, you’ll notice that I’m supporting the Kolkata Knight Riders. Now, in this post, I had said that I was gonna support the Kings XI Punjab. But the way they lost to Chennai and the way the Knight Riders annihilated the Bangalore Royal Challengers, I had to change my mind. So I’m back to being the loyal SRK fan and am gonna support his team. They have the best looking dress ever btw. And I seriously hope they win their match against the Deccan Chargers today. Because if they don’t, there’s a high chance that I might shift teams..again. After all, the Kings XI Punjab put up a decent performance too. It’s only that the Chennai guys were too good.

Anyway, since it’s the IPL season, and since almost everybody is really out of inspiration and content, I bring to you ‘The Predict For the Heck Of It Contest‘. It’s basically a game wherein you have to predict the winner of a particular day’s match. If people participate, it might turn out to be fun. And what does it require..like 30 seconds? I’m sure you can do that.

And with this, we come to the end of this post. And I need to go and read other peoples’ blogs and leave comments because I haven’t done anything except ‘working on this theme’ and ‘thinking up a superb dare which never happened’ since yesterday. You’re really lucky, Nik and Bharat.